


Looking Through The Rear View Mirror

by LostShadowPuppet



Category: Glee
Genre: F/F, G!P Girl!Peen, Other
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2012-08-16
Updated: 2012-08-16
Packaged: 2017-11-12 06:38:38
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 11
Words: 29,626
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/487837
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LostShadowPuppet/pseuds/LostShadowPuppet
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Sequel to Reflections. It's now the year 2024, things haven't gone the way Santana had hoped. Things aren't always as they seem. What happens when her past comes back and slaps her in the face with the biggest bombshell? G!P</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Prologue

2020

If High school was the best and worst time of my life, then I have no idea how to even begin to describe my Residency.

You know the saying, when it rains it pours? That's kind of how my life rolls. When I was 15 I moved to Lima, Ohio from Puerto Rico. After that, my life went down hill for about 3 years. Starting with falling in love with the most amazing person I have ever met. She was and will forever be my soul mate.

I know what you are thinking, why the hell does that make your life seem like it's going downhill? Most people find their true loves and everything is rainbows and butterflies. This is and never will be true.

I met Brittany Pierce at the end of sophomore year of high school. I literally did not know she existed until then. But once I met her, everything went sour and I fell hopelessly in love.

I never thought I'd meet anyone who would ever understand me, so I literally cut myself off from people. I had Blaine and Puck and hung around with the Cheerios. But until I met Brittany, I didn't really fully understand or accept myself. She changed everything. Like she placed some sort of dark magic upon me.

When high school was over we moved with my best friend Blaine and her best friend Rachel to New York, where I attended Columbia on a full ride scholarship. Yep, you heard me. Full ride to one of the best Universities. Not only was it a full ride, I got into Medicine. Family traditions. Brittany went to Julliard, Blaine followed me to Columbia for law and Rachel got into NAYADA to do some sort of singing dancing thing. (To be fair, I really didn't care)

Life seemed to be going amazingly. I was in my first year of surgical residency at New York Methodist hospital. I decided early on that I was going to go into Paediatric Surgery. My best friend Blaine lived down the hall from me and Brittany had graduated and was now working on tour as a dancer for Usher. It sucked that she was away, but I respected that this was her career path. And who was I to take something she loved away from her?

Though we hardly got to see each other, we were in love and that's all that mattered right?

WRONG, so very, very wrong.

\-----------------------------

Stumbling through the front doors of our apartment building in Williamsburg after doing a gruelling 73 hour shift, It's as if I'm a cyborg on automation. Checking the mail I trudged slowly forward to the elevator. Every time I finish a long ass shift, the elevator seems to take forever. It's as if the elevator gods are against me going straight to bed. Some sort of, YOU SHALL NOT PASS, right now. Once the elevator decides it's appropriate for me to arrive at the sixth floor I move my feet unconsciously towards the door, going through my messenger bag I spend what feels like 15 hours trying to find my keys. Once I get the door open, I breathe in the smell. Don't mock me. It still smells heavily of Britt and I fucking miss her. She's been gone far too long. I stumble in knocking my hip on the table that stands annoyingly in the hall. The only use, it feels, is to hold a strange vase thing Brittany got in Russia last year and to get in the way of my hip. Yelling obscenities to nobody in particular I calmed down, threw my crap on the floor, because Britt wasn't here to yell at me and made my way into the kitchen. Making a coffee I walked into the lounge grabbed the mail and collapsed onto the couch.

Closing my eyes I felt the bones in my body groan in comfort. Though I wasn't even in a comfortable position, it beat standing up. My feet hate me these days. I wish Brittany was here, she has magic feet massaging fingers, because of her years as a dancer she's learnt a lot. Plus Catalina had taught her a bunch of crap, that I really never cared about.

That reminds me, I need to talk to Catalina about Che coming out for a visit. I did promise him over Christmas that he could come spend some of his summer with me. I miss that kid like crazy. He's grown up to be a handsome monkey, the perfect mixture of Javier and Catalina but with my badass personality.

Slowly I move to start going through the mail. I really hated mail. Email people, it's more likely I'm going to read it.

Bill. Bill. Postcard from Puck. Bill. Suspicious religious flyer. Bill. Doubt I've really won $40,000,000.

Picking up the last envelope I smiled to myself. The childish bubble writing could only be one person. Surprisingly though, it seemed to be sent from Lima. What the hell was Brittany doing in Lima when she should be in Germany with Usher? I frowned, took a sip of my coffee and then opened the letter carefully.

Dear Santana.

I really don't know how I'm supposed to articulate this. What can I even say? Nothing I can do or say will make this any better. I can't do this anymore. We can't keep going like this. You deserve someone who is there constantly, who can keep up with you not being there. Even when I'm there, you aren't. It's not fair on either of us. That is why, I'm ending it here. I don't want this anymore. I don't want to be that person.

It's not a matter of me never loving you. That isn't even in the question. It's more that this isn't going to work ever. You prioritise everything over me.

My Dad will come by at some point and get my stuff and leave my key.

I'm sorry I had to do this, this way. It's for the better.

Don't ever forget me.

Love, Brittany.

My eyes, bugged out of their sockets like a comical cartoon character.

EXCUSE ME, WHAT?


	2. Romeo, Sugar, Bow Ties and Gingers

* * *

**2024:**

* * *

**Beep Beep**

_Go away incessant noise_

**Beep Beep**

_Unnecessary for such a potent noise to be in my dream_

**BEEP BEEP**

"hmmmrghhpphh"

**BEEP BEEP**

"mmmhpghh"

" **DOCTOR LOPEZ, REPORT TO E.R. DOCTOR LOPEZ REPORT TO THE E.R."**

**BEEP BEEP.**

**BEEP BEEP.**

I twitch in my sleep as my pager blares again BEEP BEEP. Right in my ear. I shoot upwards on the small bed and let a loud groan. Rubbing at my eyes I reach for the pager as it goes off again.

A 4 year old has been brought in complaining of the stereotypical things over concerned parents bring their children in for. Sighing, I swing my legs over the bed grab my coat and head towards the E.R.

As I walk through the door, a nurse approaches me quickly with a clipboard. She starts rattling on about something I don't really care about. She guides me to the cubicle and I walk in. There on the bed sits a young Latino boy with brilliant blue eyes, his mother stands to the side, not looking all that overly concerned with her boy's predicament.

The boy looks at me and I smile softly, he's very cute. Kind of looks like me in a weird way. But that's impossible. I think I just found myself falling into some sort of self-racism. Just cos the boy is Hispanic doesn't mean he looks like you Santana, I lecture myself. Must be cos my head is still half asleep. Shaking it off I turn to the nurse as I pick up his chart. She begins to give me a brief outline of why he's here. I really am not listening; everything is in the chart I'll just read it.

I begin to read it slowly, Romeo Lopez, came in complaining of fatigue, headaches and vomiting. Putting the chart down I move towards his bed.

"Hola Romeo! I'm Doctor Lopez, but you can call me Santana." I sit down on the bed beside him and he smiles at me. His bright blue eyes radiating.

"Hola Doctor S'tana" he replies sleepily.

"You have a super cool name Romeo; I wish my name was as cool as that"

"My Mama picked it, Romeo Santiago Lopez; she named me after her unicorn." At this I raised my eyebrow, her unicorn? I looked over at his mother; she didn't seem at all interested in what was going on.

"Excuse me? Mrs. Lopez?" I asked trying to get her attention.

"What? No, I'm not Mrs Lopez? Who the hell is Mrs Lopez? I'm Romeo's nanny, Sugar Motta. His Mom is in Jersey for work today. Been trying to get a hold of her but she's useless and is probably off trying to catch fairies or something. Sorry, Asperger's." The woman rattled off. Jesus. Who would employ this bitch?

Shaking my head at the woman, I turned back to Romeo smiling.

"So, I heard a story that you weren't feeling very well?"

The young boy shakes his head lethargically. So sad. I can tell he's missing his Mom and this woman isn't really interested in him. I turn to the nurse and nod to her, in understanding she moved to take Sugar out of the room.

"So, Romeo. Can I tell you a secret?"

The little boy nods in response.

"I have super magic powers that can help you feel better. It may not be comfortable, but I need to do it. Otherwise you'll be feeling like this forever. And I'd hate for a young Superhero like you to be feeling bad forever."

"You're magic? That's so cool! I don't know any magic. Can you show me? If you do magic on me, you will be my best friend."

I smile, I'm so many kids' best friends, and it's insane. Pulling out my stethoscope I rub it in my hands a bit to warm it up.

"See this? It's one of my magic tools. It lets me listen to what's happening in your lungs and your heart. Do you know what they do?"

Romeo shakes his head; his lethargic eyes become full of excitement.

"Well, your lungs are kind of like balloons inside of you. Every time you breathe, your lungs fill up. Like if you were blowing into a balloon. Sometimes you can hear things in your lungs, so this tool is going to help me hear things. Do you mind if I listen to your lungs?"

Romeo nods his head granting me permission. Lifting his shirt up, I'm surprised when I'm confronted with large bruises. What the hell? Plus there appears to be some Petechiae. God, I hope this isn't what my mind automatically jumped too. Shaking it off I listen to his lungs from behind. I listen carefully, he has a slight wheeze. I move to the front and check out his heart too. Slightly fast, but my heart would be running a bit fast if I was with a strange woman in a hospital without my Mom.

Placing his shirt back down I remove the stethoscope from my ears.

"Hey Romeo, do you know if you have asthma?"

"Y-yes" he replies.

"That's cool that you know. Most kids don't."

"My mom says it's important for me to know everything that is wrong with me, cos if I go to the hospital and they do something it might make me really sick."

I smile at him, he's so cute.

"Wow, your Mom sounds like a super smart lady. So, can you tell me everything that is wrong with you?" I ask

"Ashma and I'm allergic to penachillin"

I nod at him as I write this down.

"Wow, you are super smart. You must take after your Mom!"

"Mom says I take after her unicorn."

I smile at him and nod my head. I have no idea what the hell that even means.

"Well, your Mom's unicorn must be pretty special. Romeo, I'm going to have to do some tests on you. Do you want me to start them now with Sugar? Or should I wait for mommy? It's up to you, I can go find out how long she is going to be."

"I want my Mommy." He sniffs and I nod. I held his hand and gave it a wee squeeze. It's always sad to see kids in here when their parents are at work. I don't hold the parents responsible, they have to work. But the wait for them to get here from work is always awful.

"I'll go bring Sugar back in and then will try and find your Mom, sound good?"

Romeo closes his eyes and nods. I'm sure he's fallen asleep. Cute kid. I get up and take his chart out to the nurses' station. I approach Emma, my favourite E.R nurse.

"Sugar can go back in with Romeo. Can you please get a hold of his Mom? While you are doing that also organise for a transfer to the ward. I have a feeling Mister Lopez will be staying with us for a while." I flip a page over on his chart and start to make notes.

"Romeo Lopez? Any relation of yours?" Emma asks

"Nope. Lopez is a very common last name Emma."

"I know, it's just he sort of looks like you too."

"Well, I don't have any kids so, not mine. And it's not Che, he's the only Lopez kid I know and he's almost an adult."

Emma nods her head and then picking up the receiver of the phone.

"Ms. Motta gave me Romeo's Mom's number, I'm going to try and get a hold of her now. Motta doesn't really seem to be all that interested."

I nod my head in agreement as I scribble some more in his notes. I hear a throat clear beside me. Looking over I spy Sugar Motta glaring at me.

"Can I take him home?"

"No, I don't know what's wrong with him."

"What kind of doctor are you? Shouldn't you have fixed him by now?"

"I'm a Paediatric surgeon. Romeo is sick, I'm not sure with what exactly and I cannot move forward with any treatment for him until his mother is present. Unless of course you are a legal guardian?"

Sugar shakes her head

"I didn't think so. So no. You can't take him home. He's sick and I need his mother's permission to start treating him. If you have a problem with that I suggest you take it up with someone else." At this point my pager starts beeping, looking down I couldn't be more thankful to have Blaine in my life. I hate people like Sugar.

"If you would excuse me, I have to go take this page. I will be back down later to check on Romeo."

I close Romeo's chart and place it in his designated cubby and walk out of the Emergency department. Pulling out my cell phone, I dial the familiar numbers.

"Blaine Anderson"

"Anderson, how many times have I told you to not try and get a hold of me whilst I'm at work?" I growl

"Well, I'm aware you have told me mi amore, but I just couldn't help myself. Plus, I know you've pulled a 36 hour shift thus far, am calling to make sure you are keeping hydrated and nourished."

"Yes Papi, I am." I roll my eyes at him.

"Plus I have a date tonight and I'm not sure what colour bowtie I should wear."

"Are you fucking kidding me Blaine?"

"Seriously Santana, I need help! This man is on Broadway. I have to make a good impression."

"You didn't meet him through the Hobbit did you?"

"I may have been introduced by Rachel, yes."

"Oh god, you aren't going on a date with Porcelain are you?"

"Kurt Hummel, Santana. His Name is Kurt."

"Well, he's too gay for you."

"Whatever. Nobody is too gay."

"He's so gay he could pass as a woman. Probably more feminine then I am"

"Whatever Satan."

"Stop whatevering me. You have a huge vocabulary District Attorney Anderson. Use it. I'm just saying, he isn't your type. I know it, you know it. Let's all embrace it."

"You are in a cheery mood."

"Don't change the subject. Wear a green bowtie. Although, why you wear bowties anymore confuses me. It's exhausting to look at you. You look like a sleazy gay Pee-Wee Herman when you wear them. Especially when you gel your hair. You need a makeover. But asides from that. You need a more masculine guy. If you date people like Lady Hands, you might as well be dating me. Maybe you should, I'm hotter"

I can literally hear the eye roll through the phone.

"Thank you for your evaluation. While I won't take it into consideration, the thought is appreciated. You are so very helpful."

"I am awfully helpful while I'm in the middle of diagnosing small children with life threatening illnesses, treating them, cutting there insides up brutally. But of course, I can stop to offer bow-tie advice for my gay husband."

"Thank you Santana."

"I have to go Blaine; I have little people to help."

"You know it still cracks me up you chose to go into peads."

"Go fuck yourself Anderson" and with that I hung up on him. Taking a breath, I walk to a vending machine and purchase water before I head back to check on Romeo. I really do feel bad for him. I have this feeling deep within me that I'm going to be seeing a lot of him for a while. I hardly ever get this feeling and when I do. It generally means the kid is seriously ill. It makes me sad, Kids don't deserve this shit.

Blaine's comment rings through my mind. Santana Lopez the Paediatric Surgeon. If anybody had of told me that was what I was going to be when I was in high school I would have laughed. But in senior year, when Che was 6, he was admitted into the Peads unit with suspected meningitis. It turned out it was and they treated it and he was fine. But, it sparked my interest in that particular medical area.

I wasn't sure if I was going to go into Medicine, Catalina, Papi and a whole bunch of other Lopez' were in medicine, it was a family thing. But I didn't know if I wanted to go down a path that was so expected of me. I had originally contemplated going into genetics research, so I could figure out the cause of my disorder. But, something drew me to Medicine and in med school, while on rotation, I ended up back in the Peads ward and it all fell into place. Plus, I'm really good with kids. Despite what people may think. They are easier to relate to then adults and les judgemental. They are more accepting of differences.

Plus they are hella cute.

Taking a sip from my bottle, I walk back through to the Emergency department, approaching Emma she smiles at me, creepily. Ginger's have this creepy thing about them. Don't get me wrong I like Emma, she just kind of creeps me out a bit.

"Romeo's Mom is on her way. She'll be here in a few hours." I nod at Emma.

"When will he be able to be moved up to the ward?"

"We are waiting for an orderly to come down to do it. Hopefully within the next 15 minutes he'll be feeling a bit more comfortable."

"That's good, is Ms. Motta still with him?"

"She left."

"Excuse me what?"

"She left."

"Who's in there with him?"

"Nobody at this moment, I've been keeping an eye on him as much as I could, but there's been a multiple car pileup. It's been crazy Lopez." I just shake my head, grab Romeo's chart and head over to his cubicle. Walking in he smiles slightly at me.

"Hey buddy." I smile and pull up a chair next to his bed.

"Hey Doctor S'tana"

"How are you feeling?"

"Sleepy and my tummy feel yucky." I nod my head and bite my lip.

"How about you tell me about yourself" I say, I like to build a rapport with my patients. I like knowing how I can make them feel better when they are sad. Be able to hold conversations with them and it helps them feel relaxed around me.

"I'm Romeo Santiago Lopez. I'm 4. I live in Bushwick with my Mommy and our cat Sir Meows. I like chocolate and hate Batman. But the Green Lantern is awesome."

"Really! Chocolate is my favourite and I don't like Batman either. He's just a rich guy with fancy technology and an old guy that follows him round. I know Iron Man is a rich guy with fancy technology but he's sooo much cooler than Batman. Plus Pepper Potts is so awesome. My favourite though is Thor. I like mythology. What does your Mom do?"

"She teaches kids to dance. She used to be famous. But she likes teaching better."

"Wow famous? Would I know her?"

"Mommy says only some people would know she was famous."

"That's cool. So, where is your dad?"

"I don't have a Papi, I have a unicorn."

I frown at this. What the hell is with this unicorn? And where was this kid's father?

After 15 minutes we were transferred to the Childrens ward. Romeo was happy he got to have a T.V in his room. And that it was green. His favourite colour.

I spent the whole afternoon with Romeo. We spent it playing games and talking, he fell asleep for a while which gave me the opportunity to catch up on some research I was doing on Leukaemia. It always broke my heart when I saw kids come in with it. After a while, I began to fall asleep.

A loud BANG startled me awake and I groaned in pain as my neck protested at the awkward angle I had been sleeping on in the uncomfortable chair.

"Romeo! Oh my god Romeo! Are you alright!" I heard a familiar voice say. Where had I heard that voice before?

"I'm okay Mommy, Doctor S'tana lookeded after me. She used magic and listened to my balloons in me"

"Well, that's good. Where is Doctor S'tana? I want to know what's going on."

When I realised they were talking about me, I snapped out of my sleepy haze and made my presence known.

"That would be me and I'm here." I smile as an I move towards the bed, having moved back into a corner earlier so I could work and not bother Romeo as he slept. Walking forwards I caught sight of something familiar. As the woman's head turned to face me, my Jaw dropped and I froze in place. Blue eye's met mine in utter shock. The woman opened and closed her mouth a few times before drawing out a soft question.

"Santana?"

You have  **got**  to be fucking kidding me.


	3. Pernicious Panic and Puck

" _Santana?"_

_You have got to be fucking kidding me!_

 

Brittany Pierce stands before me in all her glory biting her bottom lip, a nervous habit she picked up when we first met. I stand staring. Frozen in my place. What the fuckery is this?

Romeo moves his head slowly backward and forward between the two of us, confused as to why neither of us was talking. I open my mouth to say something, but words fail to come to me. It's as if some sort of demon has stolen my ability to use language.

Brittany is still the same. It's like she hasn't aged. Her hair is a bit shorter, but other than that, she's still Brittany.

Her eyes lock onto mine and pierce straight through my soul. I feel on fire. And like the walls are closing in around me. So many things are happening at once, but nothing is happening at the same time. This feeling is so confusing. Her eyes change to a look of sadness. I look at Romeo and he sits smiling at me. I must say something, anything.

But I can't. This is the woman who destroyed me, the woman who destroyed me that has a son. A son to a unicorn, a unicorn that isn't me is it? No, Romeo said he was named after his unicorn. His unicorn must be somebody named Santiago Lopez?

The room is completely silent; it feels as though I've been standing here cemented to the spot for hours.

"Santana?" Brittany's voice croaks again. A small smile graces her lips.

No.

This is too much. I can't. Panic starts to flood me, like a dam bursting. My eyes flick between Romeo and Brittany. I know I have to be in here, I have to inform her about the status of Romeo. About the fact that I suspect he is incredibly sick. The confusion between what I need to do and what I want to do consume me. My level of professionalism gets flushed down the toilet and my mind freezes again.

"Doctor S'tana? Are you okay?" Romeo asks, his big blue eyes drilling a hole into the depths of my soul.

Everything I've managed to lock away into a tiny box is spilling out. A tear falls down my cheek as I bite my lip. I can't do this. I just can't.

"I-I-I-I Ca-ca-ca-can't" I lamely stutter, turn on my heel and storm out of the room, running through the Paediatric ward, I hear Brittany call after me as I disappear around a corner. I crash into Tina Cohen-Chang. The Robin to my Batman.

"Oh my god Santana, I'm sorry are you okay?"

I nod hastily and take off again. I don't even know where I'm going; I'm all over the place. At one point I realise I'm on the Oncology ward. Then I'm running up and down stairs.

I run and I run until I find a supply closet nobody uses, I collapse in the corner and for the first time in four years, I begin to cry.

Everything comes flooding back. I remember the letter. I remember it so well it comes as easily to me as writing my name.

_Dear Santana._

_I really don't know how I'm supposed to articulate this. What can I even say? Nothing I can do or say will make this any better. I can't do this anymore. We can't keep going like this. You deserve someone who is there constantly, who can keep up with you not being there. Even when I'm there, you aren't. It's not fair on either of us. That is why, I'm ending it here. I don't want this anymore. I don't want to be that person._

_It's not a matter of me never loving you. That isn't even in the question. It's more that this isn't going to work ever. You prioritise everything over me._

_My Dad will come by at some point and get my stuff and leave my key._

_I'm sorry I had to do this, this way. It's for the better._

_Don't ever forget me._

_Love, Brittany._

It pains me to this day, that I've managed to remember such a horrible, thoughtless letter. Can it even be considered a letter if it could easily have been written on a post it and stuck on my forehead?

_Dear Santana._

Bullshit, I was obviously never your dear anything. Lies, all lies. She should have just addressed it as "to whom it may concern." Cos it concerned me and I'm a whom. But I obviously was never her dear.

_I really don't know how I'm supposed to articulate this._

Lies, obviously you could articulate it you lying bitch. Don't just say one thing and do the exact opposite. You articulated it perfectly. I'm a terrible person. But thank you for those wonderful years that we were together, I hope my tyrannical reign didn't scare you too severely.

_What can I even say? Nothing I can do or say will make this any better. I can't do this anymore._

What can't you do anymore? You can't keep choosing to go on tour with celebrities? Or you can't articulate yourself? Oh Boohoo Brittany.

_We can't keep going like this. You deserve someone who is there constantly, who can keep up with you not being there. Even when I'm there, you aren't. It's not fair on either of us. That is why, I'm ending it here. I don't want this anymore. I don't want to be that person._

I was  **ALWAYS**  here. Despite my busy ass schedule, studying, work, rotations, I did  **EVERYTHING**. I made dinner, I cleaned the apartment. I attended every single one of your performances. Where were you on my graduation day? OH, That's right. You were in Australia on tour with Lady fucking GaGa.

_It's not a matter of me never loving you. That isn't even in the question. It's more that this isn't going to work ever. You prioritise everything over me._

You love me but I prioritised everything over you? It's never going to work ever? It was working fine until you fucking sent this letter.

_My Dad will come by at some point and get my stuff and leave my key._

Yeah, he never did. I'd like my key back bitch. Though, it was fun burning all your stuff on the roof with Blaine and Puck one night after drinking a bottle of tequila.

_I'm sorry I had to do this, this way. It's for the better._

You actually didn't sound all that sorry. But thanks for the apology anyway.

_Don't ever forget me._

It's hard to forget someone who seemingly went out of their way to destroy you.

_Love, Brittany._

Fuck off.

Grabbing a bag of cotton balls I rip it open and begin to tear each one a part into miniscule pieces, I let out a frustrated scream and look around the room. It looks like I murdered a baby duck.

Grr.. Ducks. Fuck Brittany.

_Don't ever forget me._

How the fuck could I forget her, she's the love of my life! Why is this so fucking hard? Why couldn't she just stay away. I had spent four years boxing all this up into a little compartment deep within me. Never to deal with it again. I don't understand any of this? Does she even know what she did to me?

* * *

**2020  
**

* * *

"Lopez open the door!"

I lay on the couch staring at the roof, dressed in Brittany's clothes. Lying with my head on her pillow.. I can hear Puck murmuring outside of my door.

"Come on Lopez! I just travelled half way across the world. You have to let me in! I gotta PEE! I haven't pissed since London. You know I hate Airplane and Airport toilets. I'm gonna piss all over your door in a minute."

I don't move. I don't even know why Puck is here. No wait I bet I can easily figure it out. Blaine probably told him. Fuck Blaine. I continue to stare at the roof. I haven't moved in 5 days, since I received the letter, except to go to work. And even then I've been sent home twice on 'sick' leave. I'm lucky one of my mentors is so lax about life and concerned about mental health. Thank god for Doctor Holliday. I have no idea what I'd do without her. I can hear Puck shuffling outside then his muffled voice infiltrates my apartment.

"Anderson she won't let me in."

Of course he's calling Blaine. Blaine has become like a nagging mother. I continue to listen to the one sided conversation.

"I gotta piss you asshole."

Such a Puck thing to say.

"Hell naw, I ain't breaking down her fucking door. What if I hurt my arm? I need it to earn money Blaine. Not all of us can live off Mommy and Daddy if shit hits the fan."

"I NEED BOTH ARMS TO PLAY GUITAR"

It's true, I'm sure every single teenybopper and wanna be hipster is out there praying to the indie god that Noah Puckerman will forever be able to play his guitar.

"I am worried about her. She's not insulting me or anything dude."

"Yeah I know, but she hasn't even told me to fuck off."

It's true, I haven't, the thought of doing it is too exhausting.

"Fuck you Blaine just get here soon or I'll piss on your doorstep."

I assume he hangs up his phone as I hear him sigh loudly, and a thump rocks my door. Not a knocking sort of thump, I think he may have sat down and is leaning against my door.

"San, I'm worried about you. Can you please just open the door?"

Silence fills the air as I continue to ignore his pleas. It seems as he has given up. Or so I thought. Puck has a way of surprising people with how much he cares. He isn't always the asshole type.

"I just wanna make sure you are okay. I remember the summer during sophomore year, where everything turned to shit because of that douche lord Abrams. About how I found out about you. I wasn't the best friend that you needed that summer. I know that. I was so shocked. You were still Santana, but it was like everything had changed. But nothing had changed. It confused me. Did you know, I spent all that summer researching about your little problem? My mom thought I had gone crazy because I wasn't out partying and shit as much. But it was because I wanted to help you in any way I could. I realised I had been a shitty friend that summer when we got back to school. I spent that whole year trying to make up for ignoring you. Did you know that? I love you Lopez. You're my sister. I don't want you to go back to that place I know you like to go to when it's dark.I know you are there now. And, I'm here because I care and I want to help. I really do love you San. So please, could you open the door?"

I had a tear running down my face, I felt myself about to cry. Puck had a way with words. People didn't think he did because he chose to speak a specific way. But when he meant something, he worded it so eloquently. Shaking my head, I rubbed my eyes and moved forward, opening the door to find Noah sitting on the ground. His eyes brimmed red as if he had been crying. Looking at me he stands up and pulls me into the most loving hug I've ever felt.

"I love you too Noah" my voice croaked. It had been the first time I had said anything in over 24 hours.

"I know, I want you to know I'm here for you whenever. Your my light in the dark, so let me be yours." He smiled softly at me and I smirked slightly

"Did you just quote some of your own lyrics to me?" I ask raising my eyebrow slightly

"Girl, you know I wrote that song for you." He winks at me and my heart feels as though it's starting to beat again.

"But I really do gotta piss San, so let me in and then I'll make us a drink and we can talk." He picks up his bags and walks into my apartment, dropping them in the hallway.

"Oh, gayboy is on his way. Close the door, I don't wanna see his pompous face. I just wanna chill with mi amigo for a bit." He winks and goes to the bathroom. I nod my head in agreement. I'm sick of Blaine. Everything about Blaine. His face, his hair, his smile, his cologne. He's been here basically 24/7 and I can't deal with him anymore. I'm so relieved Puck is here. Blaine is more in your face, Puck lets you process things at your own pace but helps with distraction when you need it.

I go and sit on the couch and wait for him to come back. Knowing that the first thing he'll say to me is something crass

He walks out of the bathroom and cracks his neck.

"Oh my god, I just pissed lake Michigan."

I roll my eyes as he goes to sort out drinks in the kitchen. I can hear him singing softly. I love Pucks voice. He has this ability to be soft and sing so gently like Ed Sheeran but then can turn around and belt out Metallica like nobody's business. There's a reason why he became a famous musician. And that's it. I'm just thankful he removed the squirrel from his head. As he returns to the lounge he sits down next to me handing me a coffee, just how I like it. If I was straight, I'd go for Puck. He's such a gentleman. Plus he's hot, for a guy anyway.

"So, do you wanna tell me what happened? Or shall I bust out some C.O.D?"

I smile at him, the first genuine smile I've done in days.

"C.O.D it is then!"

He gets everything set up as a knock starts bouncing against my door. Puck nods to me and he goes and answers the door. Greeted none other by Blaine

"Puckerman! Glad you got convinced her to let you in. Is she okay? Can I come in?"

"Blaine, no offense but, I haven't seen my Lesbro in almost a year. I miss her and we want to get our game on. Which means we don't want you here. So please take your gelled hair and go and see a Broadway performance or some shit. Just leave her for a bit."

"Puck, don't tell me what to do. You know she wants me here just as much as she wants you."

At this, I feel bad. Blaine has been really good to me. But this has to be done.

"Blaine, please. I just want to spend some time with Noah. Go do something for yourself tonight. God only knows how much time you've spent with me." My voice croaks again I didn't leave the couch but I know he heard me as silence filled the room. And I could feel Puck's self satisfied smirk radiating from the entrance.

Blaine clears his throat, he does it when he feels awkward.

"Well, I'm glad to hear you are now talking Santana. If I had of known all it would take was for Noah Puckerman to arrive I wouldn't have bothered. I'll be going now." And with that, I heard Blaine stomp away. Puck shut the door and chuckled to himself.

"You hurt his feelings."

I shrug at him and pick up the controller.

"Right, C.O.D time. You are going down Lopez!"

We sit and play for a couple of hours, pausing only for Puck to go and collect the takeaways he ordered for dinner.

As we continue playing and after a fantastic headshot on my part. I dropped my controller and turned to Puck.

"Brittany left me. She ended everything in a letter."Puck placed his controller down gently and nodded. Pulling me in for a hug.

* * *

**2024**

* * *

I need some fresh perspective. I need help. But Blaine will just come down here and bitch slap Brittany. And though I'm pretty sure it's illegal for a man to just walk up and bitch slap someone or some shit like that, I don't think it matters because Blaine is pretty much a woman. I need to talk to Puck.

Pulling out my cell, I try and recall where in the world Noah is at the moment. I'm pretty sure he's at his house in Italy at the moment. And with that I bring up his Italian number and dial. After a few rings he picks up the phone, his voice somewhat hoarse

"Ciao, Puck parlando"

"Puck, it's Santana."

" 'Tana, what's wrong? Why are you calling me at like 4 in the morning. Uncool dude."

"She's back Puck."

"Who's back 'Tana?"

"Brittany. Brittany's back."


	4. Confusion, Confirmation and Chaos

 

 

My pager has gone off three times since I sat in my corner in this supply cupboard. Puck is catching the first flight out to New York that he can. I’m so grateful for him. I have to tell Blaine too, he’s going to throw the world’s biggest bitch fit when he finds all this out.

Contemplating my next move. It feels like some fucked up game of chess. She’s moved her pawn by trying to engage in conversation, it’s my move next. Do I play it safe and move my pawn? Or should I go guns out?

But I have to think of Romeo.

Romeo Santiago Lopez, it’s too much of a coincidence right? He has to be mine. Santiago has to be her way of incorporating Santana into his name. I need to figure this shit out!

Puck is convinced that Romeo is mine. I’m not one hundred percent convinced. If Brittany was pregnant when she decided to do what she did, why would she do it? We had talked about having kids before. She knew I wanted them. In senior year Brittany got pregnant, we were figuring things out, like how to tell our families, but before anything could progress she miscarried. Nobody knew about it asides from Puck because he was there when Brittany began miscarrying.

It was devastating.

I don’t understand what’s gone on here. I am so angry with her but I have to at least be civil with her if I want to find out about Romeo. Wait; there is a way I can find out for certain. I haven’t fully been through Romeo’s hospital notes. Perhaps it has information about his father in it. Am I even considered father? Mother, Father? Father, Mother? Ugh all those insecurities I had when I was a teenager around my penis are coming back.

I thump my head backwards against the wall a couple of times. It wasn’t to harm myself more to wake myself up out of this, whatever this mess is. I have to go and sort Romeo out. I’m being so unprofessional right now. Am I even allowed to treat him? That’s probably something I should investigate but I have to go and do his initial tests. I have to know what is wrong with that kid and I have to be the one to do it. I couldn’t live with myself if I left him with some incompetent intern.

Taking a deep breathe I leave my little sanctuary and head back towards the Peads ward. I ignore everybody along the way. I’m known as a bitch, but generally I’m not that bitchy, I’d at least smile at them or something. No today I’m ignoring everyone asides from Romeo Lopez.

As I reach the ward, I move to go to my office. There is one thing I have to do before I can begin treating him. I have to find out who his father is. Or If I’m that person. Does that make me the father? I’m not sure. Sitting in my comfortable leather chair I boot up my computer and slowly type in Romeo’s details.

_Romeo Santiago Lopez 24/11/2020_

I already knew that. I love that he’s a November baby. He’s a holiday miracle, a turkey baby. I smile.  Thinking about Romeo’s birth. What a thing to be thankful for. Then an ache radiates through my body. If he is my son, that shit hurts. Holy crap I wasn’t there for his birth. I have so much to make up for.

Reading through his notes, I learn about him medically. It seems he’s been admitted a few times to various hospitals with asthma attacks. He’s broken his arm falling from a tree house and had a nasty chest infection, which is when they found out about his penicillin allergy. Fuck finding out about something like that in that way.

I think I’m purposely not looking in the section I need to. Like I’m going through everything else to draw out the painful inevitable. I take a deep breath and click open the important page. I close my eyes and pinch the bridge of my nose.  Counting to ten, I open my eyes slowly. I focus on one sentence at a time.

_Name: Romeo Santiago Lopez_

_D.O.B: 24 November 2020_

_Place of Birth: Miami, FL_

_Ethnicity: Hispanic, Dutch_

_Blood Type: A Negative_

_Mother: Brittany Susan Pierce_

Oh god, the next part is going to tell me everything. Panic starts to set in. my hand begin to shake and I begin to read.

_Father:_ **Santana Ava Lopez** _. Brittany Susan Pierce would like to note that owing to a chromosomal condition, Romeo Santiago Lopez’ father is actually a woman. Thus, would prefer Father to be Mother._

My heart stopped beating at reading this. I’m Romeos... Romeo is my son. I have a son. A four year old son. Oh my god. I start to hyperventilate. This can’t be happening. So many mixed emotions are filling me.

I’m a Mom. To a four year old. A very amazing four year old that I automatically love. How can that be, I find something out and boom. I love him. I want to look after him. Holy shit I have to find out what’s wrong with him. Oh my fucking fuck shit fuck I’M ANGRY. How the fuck could Brittany keep something like this from me!

MY OWN SON

She kept my own son from me like, I don’t even know, words can’t even begin to describe. Holy shit what do I do. I have to go see Romeo. I need to make a plan. I have to. And I suppose I have to talk to Brittany, not on a professional level. That’s going to be so hard. What do I do?!

In the midst of my panic my pager goes off again. I’ve been neglecting it. But obviously they haven’t been too important. I glance down at the fresh page and stop breathing. Romeo, 911.

**FUCK**

Throwing myself out of my chair, I take off in a sprint, tripping over my own feet in the process and slamming into the ground. How graceful. Picking myself up I run faster, not caring that a whole bunch of people saw me face plant the ground. As I head towards Romeo’s room, I can hear Brittany

“Breathe Romeo its okay baby.” She repeats it, every time it gets louder and louder. I burst through the door and take in Brittany’s panic, then I look to Romeo who’s turned pale as a sheet and I can tell he’s struggling for air.

Tina gives me the run down.

“His o2 dropped. He’s having an asthma attack. An intern started him on a Nebulizer. His stats are slowly rising. I thought you’d want to be here to do the rest “

I nod at her and approach Romeo, Brittany looks at me with tears in her eyes.

“Hey buddy.” I smile as I run my hand through his short spikey hair. He doesn’t say anything he just looks up at me.

“You’ve had this kind of thing happen before haven’t you?” He nods at my question.

“It’s okay; you focus on breathing in the special medicine that will make your lungs better. I’m going to stay right here until everything is back to being awesome okay?”

He nods at me and closes his eyes. Brittany looks at me and mouths a thank you. Tears are running down her cheek and on instinct I reach to wipe them away. But catch myself and instead reach and grasp Romeo’s small hand.

I take this moment to look him over fully take in his appearance. He has Brittany’s cat like eyes, the blue radiates look pools in the bluest of seas. He has my nose, my lips, and my dimples. His skin is a tad bit lighter than mine, but when you look at me and him, we are the same. I can see it now. He’s my little clone.

A tear streaks down my face, I’m happy, sad, angry, devastated, confused, and worried. I’m happy. I have a son.

I look up at Brittany and I can tell she’s been watching me. She knows I’ve figured it out. Guilt is written all over her face. She goes to say something and I just shake my head. Not now, not in front of Romeo. That’s not fair.

I look up to the monitor; Romeo’s stats are back up to a normal range. His o2 level is still a bit low but it’s alright, I’ll put him on oxygen and he’ll be fine.  Removing the nebulizer mask from his face I replace it with nasal cannula. I smile at him; he’s out to the world. I move to where Tina has already placed a prednisone shot out.

Like I said before, the Robin to my Batman.

I move and give Romeo the shot. He doesn’t even stir in his sleep. Asthma is such a tiring disease. I wish there was a cure for it. The amount of kids I get in here with asthma, or infections that complicate asthma is insane.

I sit back down next to Romeo.  And turn to Brittany.

“I have to run some tests on Romeo. Do I have your consent to move forwards?” I inwardly chuckle to myself, if she didn’t give her consent, bitch better be prepared for a fight, cos I consent to anything he needs to survive whatever it is that is going on.

She stares at me. I know she’s reading my thoughts. I know secretly Brittany has super magic powers. Bitch knows exactly what I’m thinking as if I have it written all over my forehead.

She nods sharply. I call for Tina and as I wait the silence becomes heavy.

“Santana” Brittany starts and I shoot her a glare.

“Not now. “ I reply stiffly as Tina enters. Brittany looks down and nods.

“Hey Tina, I’m going to need to you organise a CT. I’m going draw some bloods and I want them rushed. All good?”

Tina nods her head and waits as I move to draw bloods. I’m glad Romeo is asleep, Kids generally don’t like needles. Although I have a funny suspicion that Romeo would find this whole process cool. When I was a kid and needed my bloods taken I always watched. Placing the bloods in the bag I then fill out the form. God I hope I’m over-reacting with my suspicions.

Tina smiles at me softly and leaves with the blood samples. Hopefully we will know what’s going on within the hour. I look at my watch. My shift ends in 6 hours. And I groan while I crack my neck. I look at Brittany; this is going to be fun.

“Uh, Romeo probably will be asleep for a while. I think we need to talk.”

Brittany nods in agreement and goes to open her mouth, but I shake my head.

“We are not doing this here in front of Romeo. Follow me; we will talk in my office.” I stand up and without waiting to see if she follows, I make my way to my office pausing at the door to let her in first. I close the door behind me and I move and sit behind my desk.

Silence fills the room. And we both stare at each other. The silence is legit fucking me off. I thought I knew what I was going to say and when she looks at me, everything I want to say disappears.

“So…” Brittany starts

“You have a son.” I blurt.

“Yeah, so do you.” She stares at the ground wringing her hands

“Why didn’t you tell me you were pregnant?”

“You didn’t want me.” She mumbles

“Excuse me?” I scoff

“I got your letter. You broke my heart.” I shake my head at her what letter? What the mother fuck?

“What the fuck are you talking about Brittany? **YOU** broke **MY** heart.”

“No, I didn’t.”

“Look, I don’t want to go into the shit show that is us. It’s not the right time, I don’t have the fucking patience and I can’t deal with you at the moment. I want to know about Romeo. He’s mine?”

“Yes. What do you want to know?”

“Tell me about him. Tell me everything. He’s my son, I want to know everything. Does he know about me?”

Brittany bites her lip and nods shyly

“Well, his name is Romeo Santiago Lopez. I named him after you; I wanted him to be tied to you even though you weren’t there. I remembered that Santiago is a family name. That Che’s middle name is also Santiago and I know how much Che means to you. I also remembered when we found out I was pregnant when I was younger, you were so excited and you were determined that we named our baby after a character from a book. And then I thought about stories and our relationship and I thought about Romeo and Juliet about star crossed lovers and I thought about us and how we were kind of like that. SO I thought Romeo would be a cool name. Emily and Mom thought it was a stupid name and a stupid idea though. So I changed my mind and was going to name him Jack Thomas because those names are in my family and, you know I’m quite traditional like that. And then when he was born, I looked at him and he was a Romeo.”

I nod at the thoughtfulness behind Romeos name. I don’t know what to say to that. I’m hurt about Brittany’s mom and sister though. I thought they liked me? The way that sounded it seemed like they didn’t.

“He was born in Miami. I had issues with my mom and kind of ran away I guess.”

I snickered apparently the bitch is good at running.

“He was so perfect. 10 little fingers and toes. He was born with the biggest mop of hair I’ve ever seen. It was a little afro.  And as soon as the doctor handed me him he just looked at me with his big eyes. I melted. I loved him from when I first found out I was pregnant but from when he was born, I just knew that I would move heaven and earth for him.”

I nod and hold back a sob. I can’t believe I missed his birth. I feel so cheated.

“He’s such a good kid San.” I cringe at the nickname

“He’s got my personality and your temperament. He loves superheroes, music, climbing trees, make believe, dance, riding his bike, playing x-box, which I know he shouldn’t do but he loves it. And he absolutely loves learning, drawing and especially learning to write. He can write his own name. He picked it up so easily”

I smile, he sounds like the perfect blend of Britt and I. Holy crap he’s perfect. My perfect wee man. I’m so proud, happy and upset at the same time. Ugh.

“Does he know about me?” I ask

“Well he…” But Brittany’s interrupted by my pager. I look down and sigh. Romeo’s test results are back. I need to head back out and figure shit out.

“Romeo’s test results are back, we need to head back to the ward. Go in with him and I’ll check everything out.”

Brittany walks into Romeo’s room as I approach the nurses’ station, as I approach Tina looks up and smiles softly.

“Romeo’s test results?” Tina asks and I nod. She spins around and picks up the papers and hands them to me. I read over them, several times and I feel tears sting my eyes.

**HOLY MOTHER OF FUCK**

 

 


	5. Where To From Here?

_"Romeo's test results are back, we need to head back to the ward. Go in with him and I'll check everything out."_

_Brittany walks into Romeo's room as I approach the nurses' station, as I approach Tina looks up and smiles softly._

_"Romeo's test results?" Tina asks and I nod. She spins around and picks up the papers and hands them to me. I read over them, several times and I feel tears sting my eyes._

_OH FUCK, OH MY GOD, OH HOLY MOTHER OF FUCK. THIS CAN'T BE REAL_

Tina looks at me sadly. She knows exactly what’s wrong with Romeo, she’s read the results she isn’t stupid. I know she’s read his file too. I can see it in her eyes as well.

“Santana, you can’t be on this case anymore.”

I give her a death glare. Who is she to sit and tell me that I can’t be the doctor to treat Romeo? He’s my fucking son. But Tina just glares right back at me. I know she’s right, but I don’t know if I can trust his care with any other doctor.

I have to be the one to tell Brittany and Romeo though. And then I’m going to go figure out who to put on his case. Then I’m going to talk to the Chief of Surgery, Shelby Corcoran about getting a mass of time off. God knows of accumulated enough.

“I know Chang. But I have to go and let Brittany and Romeo know what’s happening. It’s not fair for me to be just yanked off his case without warning.”

Tina just nods at me. She understands. Well as best as they could in this sort of situation.

“Before I’m removed from Romeo’s case, I want you to organise a biopsy.”

Tina nods her head and moves to organise the biopsy. I collect my thoughts and pace myself. This is going to be so difficult. I move my feet slowly towards Romeo’s room. I’ve been holding my breath since I last opened my mouth to talk. Opening the door I walk in, Romeo is awake. He smiles up at me.

“Doctor S’tana!”

“Hey little buddy! How are you feeling?”

“Betterer. Mommy says she knows you! That’s so cool. Are you best friends? Does that mean you can’t be my best friend? Cos I want you to be my best friend. You can do magic! Do you know Harry Potter?”

Wow, boy can talk. Seriously takes after Brittany in that regard.

“Yeah, your mom and I were best friends, but since I’ve met you. You have taken that place. I don’t know Harry Potter. He left Hogwarts before I got there. It kind of sucks!”

“Yay!” I smile at him softly and turn to Brittany.

“I need to talk to you about what’s going on with Romeo.” Brittany nods at me nervously.

“Why can’t you tell me?” Romeo asks

“Well, little buddy. I need to tell Mommy heaps of information that will just bore you. But, after I’ve told Mommy I can tell you in a cooler way okay?

Romeo nods at me and buries his head into his pillow.

“Roro, want me to put the T.V on?” Brittany asks him and he nods. She reaches over and turns it on. Diego is on, Romeo smiles and becomes instantly engrossed.

“I’ll just pop out and talk to Santana okay mijo?” Romeo nods and I smile at him. He’s so beautiful. I walk out of the room, Brittany follows closely behind me, closing the door I take her back to my office. I don’t think I have the heart to treat her like I would any other patients parents. She’s Brittany and Romeo is my son.

Sitting down, she looks at me expectantly. There’s no other way I can say this.

“Britt, we need to figure out our shit. We need to because Romeo needs both of us.”

Brittany nods in agreement. I kinda wish she would say something instead of just nodding.

“What’s wrong with him San?” Brittany asks nervously, biting her lip.

“He… The tests results... There’s no easy way I can possibly say this. The tests came back and showed that Romeo has Acute Lymphoblastic Leukaemia.”

“Wh-what?”

“Romeo has Leukaemia” I say, this all becoming more real. A tear spills over.

“How?”

“There’s no conclusive reason as to why things like this happen. But they do.” My level of professionalism amazes me. I’m distancing myself from this so I can get through explaining it to Brittany.

“What, what is it even?”

“Acute leukaemia characterized by proliferation of immature lymphoblast-like cells in bone marrow, lymph nodes, spleen, and blood; most common in children”

How text book of me.

“What?”

“He’s really sick Brittany. ALL is a rapidly progressing cancer of the blood affecting the type of white blood cell known as lymphocytes”

She just nods at me, letting it all sink in.

“What happens now?”

“We need to do a biopsy and it would be a good idea if the both of us get cross matched just in case Romeo needs a bone marrow transplant.”

“Oh, does this mean?”

“Yeah, you have to tell him about me. No, we have to tell him about me.”

“Technically he knows about you. He just doesn’t know it’s you.”

I look at her strangely. What does that even mean?

“It also means I can’t be on his case anymore. I’m going to refer him to the best person I can find and take some time off work to be with you both.”

Brittany nods.

“San, we really need to talk about us. This tension, it needs to be sorted so we can be good parents to him.”

“Well, I haven’t had a chance to be a parent to him have I?”

“I’m sorry about that.”

“Pucks coming” I say to change the subject.

“Oh, you’re still friends with him?”

I nod, why wouldn’t I be? He’s amazing.

“I’ve been trying to get a hold of Rachel.” I nod. Of course that fucking hobbit had been talking to Brittany and not telling me shit. She probably knew about Romeo being my son too. What a fucking bitch I’m going to kill that hobbit.

“I’m going to go and talk to the chief and get some time off and talk to Holly Holliday, she’s perhaps the only person I would trust with something like this. I suggest you go and talk to Romeo, try and explain it. I’ll come by later.”

She nods and leaves. I slam my head down on the desk and start to cry.

 

**Thanksgiving 2020**

Ugh, I hate this time of the year, so much to do. So many fucking people and I have to cook all this fucking food for everyone Oh, and I’m being harassed by a fucking hobbit.

“You know the way you carry all of these groceries is really bad for your back. I’d expect you to know that seeing as you are a doctor.”

“Man hands, seeing as you couldn’t carry any of these fucking bags because it may cause the end of your Broadway career could you fucking get the keys out of my bag and open my door!”

“Santana, please don’t refer to me in such crass terms. You know you and I are friends. It is completely unnecessary to keep trying to bring me down in such a high school fashion. And if my hands are damaged, I won’t be able to perform effectively, thus my career will be over. And yes, I will get your keys.”

I roll my eyes as she begins to go through my messenger bag. Finding them she puts the key in the lock and opens the door, she lets herself in first and screams a blood curdling squeal. I drop the groceries in panic and burst in.

“OH MY GOD YOU’VE BEEN ROBBED!”

“Fuck you hobbit. I cleaned my apartment.” I growled and walked back to pick up the groceries. The turkey had rolled away.

“Oh, it looks good”

I roll my eyes and put the groceries in the kitchen.

“LESBRO!!!!!!!” Pucks voice echoes throughout my apartment

“PUCK!” I run out and jump on him giving him the biggest hug ever peppering his face with kisses

“Ew, get off me you lesbo” he chuckles

“I’ve missed you dude” I smile

“I missed you too San. It’s good to be home, I’m over being on tour. Plus I gotta piss, I feel like an elephant that’s been conserving water for a year in his trunk.”

I roll my eyes, typical Puck.

“Noah, that analogy is disgusting”

“Well, if it isn’t my favourite Jewish American Princess. I’d ask how you are but I really don’t care and I don’t want to piss on San’s carpet. Chivalry is not dead!” With that Puck takes off to the bathroom.

“You know Santana; I don’t understand why you invited him. Thanksgiving is going to be filled with belching and crude remarks. You could have a sophisticated one with Blaine, Kurt, Catalina, Javier, Che and I but instead you had to invite the guitar slinging man whore.”

“I’m going to say this once. And only once. If you are disrespectful to Puck, I’m going to throw you out. I appreciate everything you have ever done for me Rachel but you can’t just barge in here and insult someone who is pretty much my brother.”

“I understand that Santana, I’m just saying he brings the class level down.”

“Oh my god Rachel, go shave your upper lip you look like a Middle Eastern dictator.” Puck voice radiates throughout the apartment as he makes his way back in.

“Oh my god, that piss went on longer than the river Nile.”

I chuckle, Puck will never ever change.

“I missed you so much” I say hugging him again. I’m not a huggy person but I have missed Noah. When Brittany left he stayed with me for four months before he had to go back on the road. He was so amazing to me, nothing I can ever do or say will mean anything to anyone more than what Puck did for me.

“I missed you too San.” He kisses the top of my head. And then moves and plonks himself down on the couch.

Barbra Streisand began to radiate from Rachel’s purse, she runs to get it.

“Hello Rachel Berry speaking.”

Puck and I look over and watch Rachel move around, listening to the one sided conversation.

“What are you serious?”

Rachel’s face flashes with panic

“Why are you there?!”

She looks around and notices us watching here, she turns around and lowers her voice. Well, lowers her voice as much as possible for the loud mouthed hobbit.

Basically she lowered her voice to a normal persons speaking level.

“I’ll be there as quickly as I can. Just hold on and don’t do anything stupid.”

There was silence for a bit.

“I know it hurts hunny, but you just have to follow the plan.” She whispers

“Yes I am. No, I won’t do that. You have to do that yourself.”

Rachel falls silent as a muffled indistinguishable voice fills the room.

“Okay, no look, I’ll head to the airport and get the first flight out. Okay? I love you. Look after yourself.”

Puck and I look at Rachel as she hangs up the phone. Panic literally radiates off her. I raise my eyebrow but Puck is the first one to say something.

“Going somewhere Berry?”

“I have to leave; one of my Broadway friends is in trouble. I’ll see you guys later.”

And with that Rachel vanished for 3 months.

 

**2024**

I shake my head at the memory, realising now where Berry had gone. Fucking bitch. I mean, I know she’s Brittany’s best friend but she gave me the impression she hadn’t been in contact with Brittany. She’s a fucking spy! I thought that she was on my side. I now want to go hobbit hunting.

I growl out loud at this whole situation. Why could my life never be okay? Why couldn’t things just work out for me? Sighing, I pick up the phone; I have several phone calls to make. The first is to call Holly. Entering in the familiar numbers I wait for her to answer after a few rings she picks up

“Hey hot stuff!” Thank god for caller I.D. I hate the whole process of identifying yourself to people over the phone. It’s annoying and a waste of time.

“Hey, Doctor Holliday”

“Doctor Lopez, why are we being so formal?” she whispered conspiratorially

“I need to discuss with you a delicate situation. My son is here, he’s been diagnosed with ALL and I need a doctor to treat him. You’re the only doctor I trust to do that. Could you do it?”

“Wait one small moment caramel twist... You have a son?”

“Yes, I just found out about him. Look, I really don’t want to get into it at this moment; I have so many things going through my mind. I’ll let you know the situation but I need to deal with some stuff first.”

Silence overcomes both of us. It makes me super nervous. I hope she isn’t going to say no, I don’t know what I’m going to do if she said no.

“We need to go and get tacos and talk about that whole situation but yes I’ll take over your son’s case. I’ll pop up in half an hour to go over everything and meet him.”

“Thanks so much Holly”

“You’re welcome Lopez, now I’d suggest you go and talk to the Chief. Sounds like you’re going to need some time off.”

“Next thing to do on my list. Thanks Holly”

“See you soon Santana.”

Hanging up I take a breath. That’s one worry down; the next one to face is Shelby. She has mixed emotions about me. Sometimes she likes me, sometimes she hates me. I just hope she likes me at the moment.

Making my way down the hall, I walk past Romeo’s room, I take a peek in. Brittany is curled up on the bed with Romeo and is crying softly. Romeo appears to be asleep. The sight breaks my heart; I should be in there cuddled up on the other side.

I make my way to the elevator then to the fifth floor where Shelby’s office is. I hate talking to the chief she’s ridiculously intimidating. Standing outside of her office I gently knock on the door and hear a raspy “Come in”

I open the door and slowly walk in, closing the door gently behind me; Shelby looks up from her paper work and removes her glasses.

“Lopez, please come in and sit down.”

I nod and move towards the leather chair in front of her big desk, I can see her trying to read my body language and drawing a blank.

“How can I help you?”

“I need to take some time off. A while off actually.”

“I can’t just give you time off Santana without having a reason behind it.”

I sigh, fuck. Soon everybody is going to know about Romeo and questions are going to be delivered to me around how the fuck it’s possible that I, Santana Lopez could have a son. But I guess that Shelby of all people has to know.

“My son was admitted into the Peads ward earlier today tests are showing that he has ALL. I need to be with him, I need to not be working. If I’m working I’m going to be a dictator. It won’t be good for me or the ward.”

Shelby stares at me giving me a weird look.

“I wasn’t aware you had a son Doctor Lopez.”

“Trust me you aren’t the only one.” I reply without thinking

Shelby leans back in her chair putting her glasses on her desk. She just looks at me for a while. It’s so unnerving; I wish she would say something. All these silences are making me nervous.

“I suppose it’s probably best if you take some time off. I’ll give you a month initially and then we can re-evaluate. I know you haven’t taken any leave for almost 4 years. It’s about time you did.”

I nod and smile slightly.

“Thank you Shelby, this means a lot.”

“It’s okay; I hope to meet your son at some point.”

“I’m sure you will.” I smile and walk out of the office. I let out a breath I didn’t even realise I was hiding. At least some things were going my way today.

Seeing as I’m now officially on leave, I can get out of my scrubs, I move to the locker room shower and change. It’s relaxing to be back in my street clothes. I look at my iPhone and realise I have missed a text from Puck; his flight gets in at 7pm tomorrow. Checking the time I realise it’s just after 9pm. Jesus what a fucking day.

I make my way out of the locker room and head back towards the ward. I need to grab Brittany and we need to have a long ass conversation. Plus we need to figure out how to tell Romeo everything.

I approach Romeo’s room and walk in, Brittany looks up from watching Romeo sleep. A small smile crosses her face.  I smile shyly at her.

“You look good Santana.”

I blush a bit but pretend I didn’t hear what she had said. I don’t want her to know that after everything that she did to me; she can still affect me in that way.

“Brittany, we need to... To talk about everything. I want to sort us out so we can be civil to each other and I want to do it now so that tomorrow we can talk to Romeo and explain to him my role in his life. I want to be his Mom; I don’t want you to stop me from seeing him anymore. I want to know him.”

Brittany watches me softly

“I know. I want the same thing. I never wanted everything to be like this Santana.”

I nod, but she needs to stop trying to engage in serious conversations whilst Romeo is in the room. Even if he is asleep.

“We need to go back to my office. I really don’t want to have this conversation in front of Romeo. I am a firm believer that you are aware of what’s going on even in your sleep.”

She nods and gets up, we move back to my office, I’ve spent so much time in here today and it feels like nothing has been resolved in here. I collapse onto my chair and Brittany collapses on the chair in front of my desk. We sit staring at each other, after what feels like five hours we both ask at the same time

“Why did you send the letter?”

We stare at each other, frowns crossing both of our faces

 

 


	6. The Letters and the Awkward Nods

_I collapse onto my chair and Brittany collapses on the chair in front of my desk. We sit staring at each other, after what feels like five hours we both ask at the same time_

_“Why did you send the letter?”_

_We stare at each other, frowns crossing both of our faces_

 

“I never sent any letter, I got a letter.” I say slowly. Brittany looks at me with an expression I’ve never seen before. It’s like confusion mixed with anger crossed with anxiety crossed with something else I have never seen.

“I never sent you a letter either. I got your letter and couldn’t bring myself to come back to New York. There was some really hateful things in there San.” She looks down at her hands and I can feel a migraine coming on. What the fuck is going on here?

“Are you sure you never sent a letter?” I ask still somewhat dubious to her innocence in this whole letter-gate situation.

“I sent you a postcard from Brazil. But I never wrote you a letter.” She says with conviction. I remember that postcard. She had drawn love hearts all over it and all it said was “I love you”.

“I got your postcard, but like two weeks after that I got the letter.”

“I got your letter when I was at my parents in Lima. “

“I didn’t even **KNOW** you were in Lima until I got my letter!” I unintentionally growl. Calm blue ocean Santana. Don’t start a fight.

We fall silent. I bite my lip and watch her. Confusion is written all over her face. Someone has decided to mess with our relationship. This much I’ve figured out. But, who would it be? There are only two people that I can honestly think of that would do something like this, Quinn Fabray and Artie Abrams. But I haven’t seen either of them since I graduated. I never go to Lima for that reason.

What the fuck, no, that’s not what I should be thinking. Who the fuck?

“Do you still have the letter?” Brittany asks quietly

“No, but I memorized it. Do you still have your letter?”

She nods quickly and starts to go through her bag.

“I couldn’t get rid of it. I figured if I ever found you that I’d want to talk to you about it. That, I’d want answers. It’s a hateful letter San. I know you have issues but this was something else.” She continues digging trying to find the letter.

“I memorized the one I got. I couldn’t bear to look at the physical version. Puck, Blaine and I set fire to it on the roof after a night of heavy Tequila drinking. But I memorized it. It’s like a ghost haunting me.”

She stops looking through her bag and looks me in the eye.

“What did it say?”

“ _Dear Santana._ __

_I really don't know how I'm supposed to articulate this. What can I even say? Nothing I can do or say will make this any better. I can't do this anymore. We can't keep going like this. You deserve someone who is there constantly, who can keep up with you not being there. Even when I'm there, you aren't. It's not fair on either of us. That is why, I'm ending it here. I don't want this anymore. I don't want to be that person._ __

_It's not a matter of me never loving you. That isn't even in the question. It's more that this isn't going to work ever. You prioritise everything over me._ __

_My Dad will come by at some point and get my stuff and leave my key._ __

_I'm sorry I had to do this, this way. It's for the better._ __

_Don't ever forget me._ __

_Love, Brittany_.”

I finish reciting the letter and Brittany stares at me for a moment frown lines creasing her forehead.

“That doesn’t sound like me at all”

“Um, actually it kinda does” I say in my defence

“No, it doesn’t. Why would I need an art calculator to be able to write to you?”

“What?”

“You said that I wrote something like I don’t know how to art calculate this. I don’t need an art calculator to tell you how I feel Santana. I didn’t even know you could get an art calculator and now I kind of want one.”

The sincerity in her voice is over whelming and a smile graces my face. Brittany you fucking amazing being.

“Why are you smiling at me? This is serious Santana!” she puts on her grumpy face. I love her grumpy face. Wait love? No, loved. I loved her grumpy face.

Wait a minute. When had Brittany ever said the word articulate? She’s right.

“It’s just, I never even realised that you wouldn’t say articulate. I was so hurt by what I had read that it didn’t matter that it may have been uncharacteristic of you. I guess in my mind I kind of thought about that time you wrote me a love letter and used a thesaurus the whole way through”

“Hey, you said that was the best love letter you had ever received.”

“It was and still is. I still have it.” She smiles shyly at me nodding her head to a non-existent beat. She picks up her bag and starts going through it again. I pick up a pen off my desk and begin fiddling with it. I need something to do with my hands. It’s an anxiety thing. I either fiddle or burst out laughing. I’m trying to be appropriate so am trying my hardest not to laugh.

Brittany withdraws her hand from her bag and places a crumpled up piece of paper on the desk. And I pick it up and frown.

“This isn’t even in my handwriting.”

“What?” She scrunches up her face as a point to the letter  

“Oh, I know, I thought it was a bit strange because you’ve never written me anything on the computer and printed it. You always write me things by hand because I love looking at your writing. It’s like a piece of artwork. But after reading it I was like, you mustn’t have wanted it to be personal. You wanted to be cynical about it.”

“You mean clinical?”

“Er, yeah something like that.” She says a blush gracing her cheeks. “You should read it.” She says softly. I nod in agreement

_“Brittany,_

_Whatever this is that we have deluding ourselves into having, is completely non-existent._

_I have gotten to an age where I find myself bored with your childlike nature. I don’t care about rainbows and unicorns and quite frankly, you need to grow up._

_I need to settle down with someone who has a decent career. Someone who is driven and isn’t flailing through life. You don’t compliment my personality, nor do you challenge me intellectually and I need someone who can do both of those things._

_To be fair, I don’t ever think I loved you. I think I convinced myself I loved you because I thought nobody could ever want me. I’m a freak._

_Don’t come back to New York. Don’t contact me. I don’t want you to. I’ll send your stuff to your parents’ house in Lima._

_Santana”_

I feel tears well up in my eyes. Holy crap it’s an emotional day. I shake my head and place the piece of paper back down on my desk.

“I always cared about rainbows and unicorns. You complimented my personality and challenged me intellectually. You taught me I wasn’t a freak. I would never say these things to you Britt.” She doesn’t look at me, she just stares at the ground.

“I didn’t write that Brittany. I swear to god, this wasn’t me. I also believe you didn’t write my letter. But who did?”

Brittany just shrugs her shoulders, still not looking at me.

“Hey, you know I don’t think any of those things about you, don’t you?”

Brittany just shrugs again. Well shit.

We fall into silence again this whole letter thing, I can’t even begin to comprehend. It’s just, why would somebody do this to us? I need to change the subject. I need time to think about this.

“Why didn’t you tell me you were in Lima, I thought you were supposed to go to Germany.”

Brittany looks up at me and sighs with a slight smile on her face.

“I had been in Brazil, and it had been two months since I had seen you. I was hanging out in Rio with Matt and Mercedes, Mercedes had to go and buy tampons, I was in the drug store while she was doing it and realised I was late. Not just a little late but I hadn’t had my period for two months. I began to panic and bought every pregnancy test I could get my hands on. I went back to the hotel, did every last one of them and the next day I quit the tour and came back to the U.S.I had a stopover in Columbus so thought I’d go see Mom for a couple of days.”

“Oh, fair enough I guess.”

Silence consumed the room

“Why didn’t you tell me about Romeo?”

“I got the impression from my letter if I had even tried to contact you about it you wouldn’t want anything to do with him anyway.”

I nod. I would have probably thought the same thing if I had of gotten that letter.

“So, does your Mom know he’s mine?”

“Yes. We got into a huge fight about it. She figured out I was pregnant within a day of me being there. Apparently I’m dumber than people expected. What I thought was food poisoning was actually morning sickness. She asked me if you knew I was pregnant. I told her no, she asked if we had been trying IVF and stuff like that and I said no. So she automatically assumed I had cheated on you while I was on tour. I told her I was carrying your child and she freaked out.”

“You hadn’t told her about me at all had you?”

“No, why would it? It’s not her problem to worry about. The fact that you have a penis is nobody’s business but your own Santana. Don’t ever forget that. But I had to explain it to her and she was horrified. I’m sorry I told her about your problem. But the things she was accusing me of doing, I couldn’t take that. And I was proud that I was pregnant with your child. I was so happy San.” She smiles at me.

“I stayed in Lima for a few more days, I got that letter and Mom started talking shit about Romeo, about how he was going to be born a freak just like you and that I should get an abortion because I was pregnant with Satan’s spawn.”

Tears fall down her cheeks in a steady stream. I can’t take this sadness any longer. I get up off my chair and move around pulling her up and into a hug.

“I-i-i- couldn’t deal with that.” Brittany sobs into my shoulder “How could she go from being excited about being a grandmother to so hateful. She’s never met Romeo. I haven’t been back to Ohio since then. I kind of moved from city to city until I couldn’t anymore and just found myself in Miami.”

“I’m sorry you had to go through that alone Brittany.”

“I didn’t, well I kind of did I guess.” She pulls back and wipes her face

“Kind of? Rachel?” She nods her head and wipes at her eyes again

“I got in contact with her a couple of weeks before I gave birth to Romeo. She came down to Miami and spent some time with me after he was born. She then organised for me to move to New York and found me a job.”

“Fucking bitch didn’t tell me a damn thing.” I spit venomously.

“I know, I asked her not to.”

“Why Brittany?” my voice betrayed my hurt.

“I just, I just. The letter. It just , I didn’t want you to do that to Romeo.”

I nod my head. Again I completely understood that. If I had gotten that fucking letter I’d have not wanted my child near that person either. I need to reassure her that it wasn’t me who sent that letter. I want to be there for Romeo. No, not want need. I need to be there for him.

“I meant what I said earlier Brittany. I want to be a part of Romeo’s life. It literally kills me knowing how much I’ve missed out on. I met that kid today and he’s everything to me. And, I’m going to say this now, I will do everything for him and for you. You’re his Mom, you need help too. And I’m here for that. To support you both.”

She nods and smiles at me, taking a step forward she pulls me into a hug again. It’s probably the longest hug I’ve ever received. Neither of us say anything we just hold each other.

“I probably should go back to his room. Just in case he wakes up.” I nod disappointed. What am I supposed to do now? Do I stay or do I go home? I look at the couch that resides against the wall in my office. I guess that’s going to be my bed for a while. I don’t wanna cramp Brittany but I don’t wanna leave Romeo either.

“Are we going to tell him about me?” I ask her quietly. She nods her head

“Don’t be silly, of course we are. My unicorn is back. Romeo deserves to know you. You deserve to know him.”

“When?” I pull at a loose thread on my shirt.

“Well, not right now because he’s probably asleep. But I think tomorrow we need to.”

“Okay.” I nod.

“I’m terrified.” I whisper. I can’t believe I just admitted that out loud.

“I am too San. Don’t worry he’s a very accepting kid. And he loves you as his doctor, so why wouldn’t he love you as his mom?”

“Mom’s and doctors are two different things.”

“I know, but to Romeo you are already awesome. You are his best friend.  Finding out you’re his other Mom will probably just be the icing on the cake.”

I nod at this. I’m not convinced. The kid is going to hate me and I’m going to be devastated.

“Don’t worry too much until it’s happened Santana. I know how you work.”

I sigh and smile slightly

“I’m going to head to his room now. Are you going home?”

“No, I think I’m going to spend the night here, in my office. I want to be close, but I don’t wanna be intrusive.”

“He’s your son too. You are allowed to be in the same room as him and I.”

“I know, I’m just not sure if I feel comfortable enough to do that yet. I’ve literally only known about his existence for 9 hours and only known about you for 6, it’s a lot for my brain to process. I just need to get my head around this.”

She nods. God, so much nodding is going on today, I feel like if any more is done Brittany and I will become bobble heads.

“Okay. Just, don’t stay away. He needs you. I need you.”

“I know. Go be with him Britt and try get some sleep.”

“I will, you too. You look like you’ve been awake for a week.”

I chuckle

“I pretty much have to be honest. Goodnight Brittany.”

“Goodnight Santana.” She smiles at me then picks up her bag and leaves my office.

I sigh and collapse on the small couch. Holy fucking shit. I don’t even know what to think.

What a fucking day.


	7. Unicorn Revelation

Ugh, my neck is so sore. I rub at it and roll over. Falling on the ground. What the fuck? A laugh radiates through my office and I look up to see Brittany sitting in the chair in front of my desk holding two coffees. I shake my head.

“A little help?”  I ask as I sit myself up. Oh god, my bones don’t want to move today. Brittany places the coffees on the desk and moves towards me holding out her hand. I grab it and she pulls me up.

“Were you watching me sleep you creeper?”

“Kinda, maybe. I came in to give you a coffee and you were still asleep. It’s not my fault you are fun to watch.” She smiles

“Wanky.” I whisper.

She moves to my desk and hands me my Starbucks.

“Caramel Macchiato. I know it was your favourite. I remember you always like to think your bad ass and force yourself to drink black coffee but really, you like it sweet.” I nod and take a gulp of the sweet, sweet nectar. Oh god this is amazing.

“Romeo has gone for some tests and I thought we should talk about how we are going to tell him about you.”

I nod and sit down on the couch, Brittany sits beside me and a grimace crosses her face.

“How did you sleep on this? It’s not even comfortable to sit on San.”

I shrug. Too early in the morning to talk.

“I mean, I think I had a more comfortable sleep and I slept in a plastic hospital chair.”

“You get used to it. Sometimes the on-call rooms are full or I can’t be bothered to even attempt to find an on-call room so I just crash here. Sometimes there’s no point in even going home. So I crash in here. Fun times.”

Brittany looks at me with a sympathetic look. I turn away from her. I don’t need her sympathy.

“So, Romeo?” I ask

“I was thinking as soon as he gets back from his tests we tell him. If you don’t wanna say anything that’s fine. I feel like I have to explain it. But I’m sure he’s gonna have some questions for you.”

“Yeah, that sounds cool. You were always better with words then me. Plus I think he’s gonna hate me.”

“I don’t think he’s gonna hate you San.”

“Why wouldn’t he hate me? I haven’t been there at all.”

“That wasn’t your fault though.”

“I know, but still, I’d hate me if I was him.”

“He won’t hate you. He’s a smart kid. He’ll understand”

I don’t think he’ll understand I think he’s gonna lose the plot and hate me. I’d hate me. I do hate me. Ugh.

“I met Doctor Holliday. She’s kind of strange.”

“She’s just really friendly. And open. With a strange sense of humour. She’s the best though; she’ll do everything she can for Romeo.”

Brittany nods. And fiddles with her cup. I can tell she’s freaking out about Romeo.

“He’s gonna be okay Britt. The survival rate is 90%. It’s gonna be hard but he’s gonna be fine.”

“That means there’s a 10% chance of him dying San!” She chokes back a sob. I hate seeing her like this. She’s a mess. I put an arm around her shoulder to comfort her she leans into me and starts crying.

This is so awkward.

We sit in silence for a while, until Brittany manages to calm herself down.

“We should go see Romeo. He should be back by now.” she sniffs I nod my head and get up, offering her my hand. She takes it and I help her up. I let go of her hand and suddenly I’m disappointed in myself. Why did I let go of her hand?

We silently make our way towards his room. Entering I see him sitting up playing on a PSP.  I also notice someone sitting next to him silent for once in her life. Anger automatically fills me and I move to attack. I feel so violent towards that dwarf at the moment. Brittany puts her hand on my elbow and turns to her.

“Rach, you should probably go.”

“But, I just got here and I think it is imperative that I stay to make sure these doctors are doing everything they can to cure Romeo’s ailment.”

My eyes go wild. Who the fuck does she think she is?

“Mommy aunty Rachy bought in my PSP and bought a new game!”

“That’s cool, mijo. I need to talk to Aunty Rach alone for a bit. Is it okay if Santana stays with you?”

“Yeah, she can show me some magic and I can show her my game!”

Oh god, I’m going to be alone with my son for the first time ever. I mean, the first time since knowing he’s my son. Holy crap, what do I do? My heart rate picks up and Brittany nudges me forward as she leaves the room with that annoying piece of shit hobbit.

“Doctor S’tana! Come look at this!”

I stumble forward to the side of the bed and look at his game. It looks like some sort of superhero game. I can’t quite figure out who the superhero is supposed to be though. I’m guessing the Green Lantern cos Romeo said he liked him.

“Is that the Green Lantern?” my voice is raspy when I ask

“Yup! He’s my favourite. Do you wanna play?” he passes the PSP to me.

“Nah buddy, I’m not any good at games.”

He nods at me and puts his PSP down.

“Why aren’t you my Doctor anymore?”

Oh, holy shit I wasn’t expecting that, how do I even answer that. I don’t think I can bust out with cos I’m your mom! Surprise!

“Because, some things happened and I’m not allowed to be your doctor anymore.”

He thinks about this for a minute, his thoughtful look is a replica of Brittany’s. So amazingly gorgeous.

“But why?”

“Just because.”

“Was I naughty? Is that why?”

“No, Romeo you weren’t naughty. Even though I’m your doctor I’m still going to be around all the time. You’re my best friend. I’m not gonna leave you in hospital by yourself!”

Romeo smiles. He seems to like this answer. Brittany walks into the room and sighs.

“Where’s Aunty Rachy?”

“She had to go home, there was a Broadway emergency”

“Oh I didn’t get to say goodbye” he pouts. Oh my god. So cute

“She’ll come back sometime. She said to say she loves you.”

He perks up a bit. An awkward silence fills the air and I rub at my neck. Brittany better start telling him. I feel like I’m going to burst with anxiety.

“Romeo, Santana and I need to talk to you about something serious.”

A small frown crosses his adorable little face

“Am I in trouble?”

“No baby of course not! It’s not about anything like that. It’s about my Unicorn”

“You mean my unicorn!”

“Both of our unicorns. Well, you see, Santana is our unicorn.”

Romeo looks at me and frowns

“You’re my unicorn?”

Oh god, say something, anything.

“Yeah. Romeo, I’m your unicorn.”

“What does that mean Mommy? I’m confusded.”

“Well, Santana is your other mommy.”

“I have two Moms?”

Brittany nods and I smile shyly at him.

“Why haven’t you been with us? Why were you away? Why didn’t you want me?”

Brittany’s face drops and my eyes feel like they are going to pop out of my head. I knew this wasn’t going to be simple. Fuck it Brittany. I let out a loud sigh and Brittany sends me a glare.

“Um, I haven’t been with you guys because I’ve been busy in New York. Being a doctor. Looking after little kids. Mommy didn’t tell me about you until yesterday. I want you mijo, I want you more than I want anything in this world.”

Brittany glares at me again anger floods her face. Uh shit I put my big foot in it. Fuck my life.

“Why didn’t you tell Santana about me?” Romeo yells

“Romeo, calm down. There are things that have gone on between Santana and I that even we aren’t sure about. I didn’t tell Santana because I was upset with her. But she knows about you now. And she wants to be your Mom.”

“I HATE YOU!”

Woah wasn’t expecting him to be angry with Brittany.

“No you don’t Romeo, you love me. I know you do. You are just really angry with me at the moment. I’m really angry at me and I’m pretty sure Santana’s angry with me. But we all have to deal with this and move past it. We can’t be angry at me forever.”

“Yeah buddy, don’t hate your mom. She was just doing what she thought was best for all of us. It just turned out it probably wasn’t the best. We all make mistakes and Mommy just wants you to be happy. I want you to be happy. And if you’d let me, I’d really like to be your Mom.”

I think most of what I said was directed more towards Brittany than Romeo. I don’t want her feeling bad about the decision she made. Had I been in the same position I probably would have done the same thing.

Romeo nods at me.

  “Okay. Do I have to call you Mom? I’m confusedded. You’ll be confusded too. I can’t call you both Mom.”

“You can call me whatever you want Romeo. But if you are confused with the whole Mom thing, you could call me Mami. It’s Sppanish for Mom.”

“I know that! Mommy is teaching me Spanish because I’m Puerto Rican!”

“You are! One day we will have to go to Puerto Rico. I’m from there it’s a very beautiful country.”

“Is that why you talk funny?”

“Yeah it’s why I talk funny.” I chuckle. Brittany smiles at our interaction. My heart fills with something I’ve never felt before. Words can’t express what I’m feeling. I feel like I could jump over the moon.

“Romeo, I’m really sorry from keeping your Mami from you. I hope you don’t hate me too much.”

“I don’t hate you mommy. I’m just sad.”

Brittany climbs up on to Romeos bed and hugs him. He hugs her back and smiles, turning to me

“Mami can I have a hug?”

“Ye-yeah sure of course you can.” Brittany smiles up at me as I move towards the bed. I climb up and hug him. I take in everything about him. His smell. The way he feels, his strength behind the hug. Everything. A tear spills over and Brittany reaches up and wipes it away. I sob audibly and Romeo looks up.

“Why are you crying Mami? Don’t be sad!”

“They are happy tears mijo. Happy tears.” I kiss the top of his head and continue to hold him. Brittany sneakily pulls out her phone and takes a picture. Then wraps her arms around both Romeo and I.

“It’s a Romeo sandwich!” she giggles the goes to take a bite out of Romeo’s ear. He moves and laughs

“Mommy don’t be silly!”

“SATAN ANSWER YOUR PHONE IT’S BLAINE!” rings out from my messenger bag that sits on the floor. Brittany looks at me funny as I move to answer it.

“Blaine changed my ringtones so that when it rings everybody is clearly identified.”

“SATAN ANSWER YOUR PHONE IT’S BLAINE!” it rings out again. I answer it begrudgingly

“Blaine, to what do I owe the pleasure?”

I sit down on the uncomfortable plastic chair, I expect this conversation is going to be long winded and frustrating.

“Shut up Lopez, I was on a date last night with Kurt Hummel, THE Kurt Hummel when I got a 911 text from Rachel. Thinking to myself that she was being an overdramatic hobbit I ignored her. But she’s persistent.”

I roll my eyes. Kurt’s far to gay for him. That relationship is just a disaster waiting to happen.

“Where are you going with this exhausting conversation?”

“Why haven’t you called me to tell me Brittany is here in New York? Or that perhaps you have a son? Why didn’t you call me immediately?”

 “Well Blaine, not everything that happens in my life needs to be reported to you as soon as it happens. Sometimes I need to take time for myself to figure everything out without your incessant mothering.”

“Well someone has to mother you Santana. You have no direction. But with something like this I expect you to let me know! I can’t come in and see you today because I’m in court. Literally all day. I’m on a break at the moment. But I’m going to come and see you. Do you want me to inform Puckerman?”

Oh god, here comes jealous Blaine. He’s gonna bust a nut when he finds out I’ve already talked to Puck. Walk the line carefully Santana... Don’t antagonize the ugly beast that is jealous Blaine.

“A lot of information all at once don’t you think Blaine? Puck already knows. He’s flying in from Italy as we speak, He’ll be here at 7.”

“Of course Puck knows. You know, for someone who is supposedly your best friend, I’m constantly left out of the loop.”

I can hear the hurt in his voice. Blaine has never been good at keeping his emotions in check. I really do feel bad. I love Blaine and I hate when he questions our friendship because of Puck.

“Blaine, look I’m sorry. I’ll keep you in the loop. But sometimes I don’t need to process with your help and sometimes I need Puck. This is a situation where I needed Puck.”

“I just wish you could need me.”

“Just, listen okay. I do need you just at specific times. This wasn’t one of them. Are you working over the weekend?”

“No, I have the weekend off thank god.”

“Good, I want you to come down to the hospital and we can talk and you can meet Romeo.”

“I won’t be held responsible for my actions towards Brittany. But I would love to meet your son! Oh, I’m going shopping!”

“Blaine no, don’t spoil him. Your enthusiasm will scare him.” I look at Romeo and Britt; they are playing rock, paper, and scissors. Brittany looks up and smiles. I smile back, my heart sores even higher.

“But, I have four years of presents to make up for Santana! Uncle Blaine wants to get his shopping on. And he wants to do it now.”

“Please don’t ever speak like that again.” Seriously was the most appalling thing I’ve ever heard.

“You love it Santana. Anyway I have to go. I got to pee before court gets called back in.”

“You say you aren’t like Puck but you totally are. You are the gay version.”

“Whatever, I’ll call you later!”

“Bye Blaine.”

I hang up and sigh. There’s only so much dramatic homoexplosion I can take

Brittany looks up at me “Blaine?”

“How’d you guess?” I roll my eyes, I think I said his name like four times. Silly question woman.

“Still over the top as ever?”

“Yep.”

“He’s going to hate me.” She grimaces

“Yep.” I nod. What else could I do? I’m not gonna lie. I look at my watch and see its 10.27am.I sigh loudly, Pucks going to be here soon, and then Blaine will turn up. This should be fun.

 


	8. Past and Present

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Brittany's flashbacks are set a week before Santana's flashbacks :)

**2020 Brooklyn, New York**

“ _Hey, can’t come to the phone right now, but leave a message after the beep…. Oh, it’s Brittany, Bitch._ ”

I sigh, voicemail, of course voicemail.

“Britt… What’s happened, I got this letter when I got home from work? I don’t understand please talk to me?”

I sigh and throw my phone against the couch. I don’t understand what’s going on.  I sob and collapse back on to the couch. Tears flowing freely. I don’t understand. I’m in love with her. I thought she was in love with me?

How could I have been so stupid? Of course she couldn’t love me, look at me. I’m just a well-disguised freak. She always said I wasn’t but obviously she couldn’t handle being with me because of it. What kind of shit is this?  I sit up and yell

“FUCK MY LIFE, FUCK IT FUCK FUCK FUCK, FUCK YOU BRITTANY FUCK.” I get up and pick up a lamp throwing it at the wall. I can’t do this. I’m losing my mind, I flip over the coffee table and start throwing things everywhere... When the lounge is completely messed I throw my fist into the wall. Yelling out in pain I grasp my hand, fuuuck I think I broke it. I move over to the couch and pick up my phone and dial the familiar numbers again.

“ _Hey, can’t come to the phone right now, but leave a message after the beep…. Oh, it’s Brittany, Bitch._ ”

“Why Brittany why?”

I don’t even bother hanging up I fall to the floor crying, I don’t care if she hears this. She needs to hear this. I’m doing my ugly cry, I don’t think I’ve ever done my ugly cry over a person but there’s no way you can do a pretty cry over this. No matter how hard you try.

There’s a knock on my door, but I ignore it. Whoever it is can go fucking take a flying leap. I don’t want anybody here, ever. Another knock rings out and I ignore it still. They’ll get the idea that I don’t want them here eventually. The knocking then becomes persistent and aggressive. I’m not gonna answer it though. They can break my door down. I’m not fucking moving.

“SANTANA AVA LOPEZ OPEN THE FUCKING DOOR” Blaine’s voice rings out slightly muffled. I don’t give a shit if it’s Blaine.  He begins knocking harder.

“IF YOU DON’T OPEN YOUR DOOR I’M GOING TO USE MY KEY. YOU’VE BEEN WARNED.”

Again, I ignore him, it’s so completely pointless answering at this point, not that I want to but he’s gonna let himself in anyway. I’m surprised he didn’t use the key sooner. I hear the jingling and then Blaine’s opened my door. I hear a gasp then a quiet “What the fuck?”

“San are you in here?” he asks cautiously as he carefully makes his way through my mess. I’m trying to remain silent so he’ll just go away but my body betrays me and I choke back a sob. I hear him spin around and I can feel his eyes on me, he quickly shuffles forward and kneels down beside me, placing his hand on my back drawing me in for a hug. His strong cologne permeates my nostrils and I sneeze. Gross. Ugly cry sneezing.

“Are you okay?” he asks me softly. I want to retort with something smart and witty but I just can’t. I just shake my head and cry harder. He holds onto me tightly as I drench his shirt with my tears. God this is so embarrassing.

“What happened?” He asks soothingly. I hate how he does this; it’s both comforting and annoying. It’s like some sort of weird magic. I can’t say it out loud so I just hand him the letter that now lay crumpled beside me. He frowns then lets me go slightly so he can read it.

After he finishes reading it he looks at me with a look of sadness that quickly changes to something I’ve never seen on Blaine’s face before, pure fucking rage.

“ARE YOU FUCKING SERIOUS?”

**2020 LIMA, OHIO  
 _(Brittany’s P.O.V)_**

Pulling up to my parents’ house I let out a sigh. I feel nauseas. Flying while feeling like I constantly need to puke was not a smart idea. Not a smart Idea at all. I turn the ignition off of the rental car I hired, hoping Santana doesn’t check the bank account within the next few days, giving away the fact I’m back in the States. I really want to surprise her. I can’t wait to see the look on her face when I tell her I’m pregnant. She’s going to be so amazingly happy. She secretly loves kids; I think I’m the only one that is aware of that side of her. I smile as I rub my belly, thinking about everything that’s going to happen in the next few days.

I hope the baby looks like San; I just want a small army of Santana’s. We could take over the world! Oh, while I’m here I might go and check out engagement rings, it’s so the right time to do this. And though I know Santana would wanna be the one to do it, I wanna beat her to it. I love her so much.

I hear a door open and Emily scream, god, even though she’s a teenager now, she still acts like a five year old.

“Britt! What are you doing here?!” She sprints around to the car and opens the door. Pulling me out of the car and hugging me. I missed her, I hate that she’s so far away from me, but I guess its part of the process of growing up and being a mature adult. Leaving your siblings behind.

“Hey Em, I just came back from Brazil and thought I’d stop by on the way back to New York.”

“I thought you still had 2 months left on tour?” she looks at me confused. I just shake my head,

“I had to leave something came up.” I replied honestly, I’m not gonna tell her what that is yet. Santana deserves to know first.

“Is it Sanny? Is she okay?” Emily asks concerned. Emily loves Santana like and older sister, their little friendship is adorable.

“Santana is fine, it’s just something. I’ll tell you when I know more okay? Nothing bads gonna happen”

Emily nods and I take a breath of fresh air. Sometimes, it feels as though I can’t get enough air. I think it’s because of how much time I spend in air conditioning. I shrug and smile at Emily as we move to put my bags inside, placing them in my room I look around. Nothing’s changed. Mom won’t change anything. I’ll be 60, coming here and my room will still look like it did when I was 17.

I walk down the stairs and a smell wafts from the kitchen, fresh bread, Oh god, I’m going to vomit. I run back upstairs and into the bathroom and hurl. God I hate this part. It makes me want to die.

Cleaning myself up, I make my way back down stairs, holding my breath so I don’t inhale the toxic smell of fresh bread. I usually love fresh bread. This is a sad, sad day in Brittland.

Mom emerges from the kitchen wiping her hands on her apron, smiling widely.

“Brittany! What are you doing here? I wasn’t expecting you!” She exclaims with a smile. I hope the surprise was okay.

“Yeah, I had to end the tour early and head back to New York”

“Oh is everything alright? Is everything okay with Santana?”

“Yeah, everything’s fine Mom. It’s nothing super terrible. Just have some things to sort out.”

Mom nods softly and another waft of freshly baked bread infiltrates my nostrils, like an army invading. Oh snicker doodles. A wave of nausea passes over me, and I bite me lip to contain the urge to puke all over my Mom.

“I’m making fresh bread darling, you have amazing timing!” Mom enthuses, oh good god, I don’t know if I can’t stand being here. I start fidgeting and smile at her awkwardly.

“Brittany are you okay my dear?”

I nod. And then I quickly shake my head and take off back to the bathroom, barely making it in time to vomit the rest of the contents of my stomach up. Oh god I just want to die in front of this porcelain throne.  I rest my head on the seat and whimper. Oh my god, I never thought I’d want this but I just want to die. I hear a shuffling behind me, then someone clears their throat, I glance up and see Mom.

“Were you going to tell me you are pregnant?”

“What?! How did you even?” I groan, dang it. San was supposed to know first. This is kinda really uncool.

“Brittany please, I’m your mother. I know everything. How far along are you?” I groan again, this seems to a permanent fixture too my vocabulary at the moment.

“Two and half months I think? I haven’t told Santana yet.” I sigh as a wave of nausea rushes over me again.

“Oh sweetie” She says as she moves forward and gets a wash cloth, dampening it and moving towards me, she crouched down and places it on my forehead.

“I wasn’t even aware that you and Santana were trying for a baby. “

“Things have a habit of surprising people.” I mutter before feeling my stomach ripple with vomiting motions. Dry retching is the worst.

“I didn’t even know you had thought about it? Did you do IVF?” she asks in a disappointed way. Oh god how am I supposed to answer this. Thank god for the dry retching phase. I lean over the bowl again. But she keeps on going

“Did you pick a Hispanic donor? It’s a shame Santana isn’t a male. You two would have lovely children.”

I shake my head, god. This conversation is heading into awkward territory. She doesn’t even know about Santana and her little problem. That isn’t really a problem. It’s like an added fixture of awesome. I smile softly at the thought of Santana. I miss her so much, I wish she was here.

“No we didn’t get a donor Mom.” I say quietly. I know that whatever reaction that is about to happen is going to be awful. Mom loves Santana; I think I know where this is heading.

“No...Donor? So, you, Brittany how? Why? I don’t understand.” She looks at me confused and I sigh, I don’t even know what I’m supposed to say.

“I can’t talk about it Mom, I need to talk with Santana.” I move to get up but Mom gets in my way, standing over me imposingly.

“Brittany, what did you do?”

“I got pregnant obviously” I mutter, I have no idea where this is going.

“Brittany, if you and Santana didn’t…” She doesn’t finish her sentence and it’s frustrating

“If Santana and I didn’t?”

“You cheated on her!”

“Wait, what?! No I didn’t! Why would you even think that Mom?!”

“You didn’t have IVF, or anything along those lines so what other alternative is there Brittany? I can’t believe you would do that to Santana. She’s been nothing but good to you, supportive of your career. I didn’t raise you to be that sort of person.”

“Mom, I didn’t cheat on Santana.”

“Don’t lie to me Brittany. I can’t even look at you anymore. Who’s the father? I hope he’s going to help? What are you going to tell Santana? I can’t even fathom what the hell you were thinking. You’re disgusting.”

“Mom, stop it I didn’t cheat on Santana.”

“You’re just another common whore.”

“The baby is Santana’s!”

“Don’t be stupid Brittany.”

“Don’t call me stupid!”

“Well, stop acting stupid! Santana can’t be the baby’s father! Seriously thought you would have the basics of reproduction down by now Brittany! You are 26 years old. Sometimes I feel like I dropped you on your head as a child, but I can’t remember ever doing it!”

“The baby is Santana’s” I whisper choking back a sob. I didn’t know my mom could be so cruel, she’d always been so accepting of everything.

“Brittany, the baby can’t be Santana’s! Santana is a girl. Girls can’t get girls pregnant! Stop being so STUPID”

“Santana has a penis!” I yell, the room falls silent. She stares at me; I shift uncomfortably on the floor. Two things run through my mind, oh shit I’ve put my big ass foot in it and this floor is ridiculously uncomfortable.

“What do you mean Santana has a penis? She’s a girl.”

“Yes, she is a girl. A very beautiful one whom I love very much. Can we please talk somewhere else? The floor is uncomfortable.”

She just shakes her head, turns on her heel and vacates the room. I get up and follow her to the lounge. Sitting on the sofa I take a deep breath.

“Mom there are things you don’t know about Santana. She was born with a chromosomal disorder, which made her be born with a penis that is fully functional apparently.” I roll at my eyes at my lame attempt to make this conversation easier.

“Santana is a man?”

“No, she’s a female, she just has a penis.”

“So she’s a man dressed as a girl?”

“No mom, she’s a woman that happens to also have a penis. It’s simple why can’t you get that?”

“Because there is no such thing Brittany! You are either born a female or male, you can’t be born as both!”

“She’s not BOTH! She’s a FEMALE and I love her, why are you being like this? Why is this so difficult for you to understand?”

“Because she’s a FREAK! And now you’re infected with the freaks spawn!”

“What the fuck mom!” I yell, I never swear. But seriously Mom?

“You say you are all down with LGBT and stuff but you can’t even accept a genuine chromosomal disorder? What the fuck is wrong with you! Would you be like this if I got pregnant to someone with Down syndrome? Or Spina Bifida? Seriously Mom!”

“It’s different!”

“How is it different? How is it different because she has a penis? Up until 5 minutes ago you loved Santana. You adored her, you considered her part of this family and now you are calling her a freak? Why? Because she’s slightly different? It doesn’t make her a freak! It makes her AWESOME.”

I’m so angry I can’t get a hold of my breathing. I want to hit someone. I’ve never felt like this before. I just want Santana here, she’d make everything better. I just want her arms around me.

“She’s, Santana’s a guy?” a new voice permeates the room; I look up at the doorway and see Emily standing there. Her face drained of any colour.

“NO! SANTANA ISN’T A GUY! SHE’S A FEMALE! SHE’S A FUCKING SHE AND I LOVE HER THE WAY SHE IS!” I’m really starting to lose control of my emotions. I need to reel them in before I punch someone. I don’t do anger, anger is Santana’s specialty. I still remember that time she beat the crap out of Artie. It makes me chuckle to this day.

“People let her treat their kids knowing what she is?” Emily asks bluntly and I can’t, even comment on it. The ignorance behind it is astounding. It can’t even bear comprehension in my mind.

“Brittany, what if your baby is a freak too?” Mom asks calmly

“Mine and Santana’s child will never be considered a freak in my house, even if it’s born with an arm coming from its forehead.” I reply simply.

“I can’t deal with you or this at the moment. While you are carrying that devils spawn, you aren’t welcome in this house.”

“What?! What did I do to deserve this?”

“You mated with Satan” Mom replies simply and gets up out of the chair and walks across the room holding the door open, waiting for me to leave. Emily just glares at me. I just can’t believe that it’s happening like this.

I pick up my hand bag which is sitting on the table by the door and walk out the door.

“This isn’t over with; I’ll be back tomorrow to talk to you. I’ll give you your space today, but I don’t want us to be like this.”

And with that I walk out the door and to my car. Not looking back for fear of what I’ll see in my mother’s eyes.

**2024 New York City  
 _(Santana’s P.O.V)_**

Ugh, why are these chairs so god damn uncomfortable? I shuffle my ass trying to find a comfortable way to sit, but it’s pointless. It’s like one sore spot to another. Sighing I stand up and walk around Romeo’s room. Brittany lays curled around my son. I have to admit this is the cutest damn thing I have ever seen in my life. She’s so adorable and he looks just like her when he sleeps. My two adorable... No, I can’t think like that. My adorable son and his mother. It’s strange how much someone can look like one person then at certain times look like someone else.

When Romeo sleeps, he looks exactly like Brittany. Just darker.

I smile and watch as each of their chests rise. Romeo’s nose twitches as if someone was tickling it with a feather.

I feel like a creeper, my mind is mentally taking photographs of this moment and every moment. I’m pulled out of my revere by the sound of arguing I frown and look at my watch, 8.47pm. Visiting hours is over, what’s going on? Shaking my head I walk to the door and open it sticking my head out I outwardly groan. You’ve got to be fucking kidding me! Why does nobody ever respect what I want? It’s just a let’s shit over Santana’s wishes fiesta up in here.

“We’re his UNCLES hello! Do you not see the resemblance!?!”

“That may be the case, but it’s still after visiting hours, you can’t go in and see him.”

“Listen, babe, do you know who I am?”

Oh god, he’s pulling the famous card. I feel sorry for the young nurse, who I think is new because she doesn’t look familiar. I better go save her from Tweedle dum and Tweedle Dee.

“What are you idiots doing here?” I hiss

Puck and Blaine stand side by side, arms laden with shopping bags? What the fuck is going on here?

“SANNYBEAR!” Puck squeals like a little girl and runs towards me, he drops the bags on the ground then picks me up in an unreciprocated hug.

“Put me down Puck!” I growl and glare over at Blaine. I know this was his doing, this reeks of him. It’s a master piece with Blaine Anderson written all over it. Puck puts me down and smiles at me. He’s looking really good.

“I’m glad you got here safely Puck.” I smile at him and then round on Blaine

“What the FUCK Blaine? I asked you to come tomorrow not show up after you’ve picked Puckerman up from the airport!”

“I know and I’m really sorry but we really wanna meet your son!”

“Yeah we do! I want to meet my Nephew! He needs to know his uncle is a badass rock star!” Puck throws his two cents in

“Where did you get all this shit? I thought you were working all day and couldn’t go shopping?” I ask Blaine, completely ignoring Puck

“This wasn’t me; I swear to god this had nothing to do with me.”

“It was me! I had to get him shit, I can’t just show up and be all,’ hey dude, I’m your uncle Puck. Yeah I’m famous, sorry I’ve never met you. Oh I owe you presents? Well shit here’s a stick of gum’, Could I?”  Puck smiles

“Did you buy a department store?” I ask him

“Does it matter? Can I meet him now cos like, I just flew halfway around the world to meet your spawn? Let me see him!”

“You’re acting like a four year old with ADD that’s been spoon fed crack cocaine Puck, calm down! You’re gonna wake up the whole ward!”

“Sorry, it’s just... I wanna meet my nephew!”

“In Puckerman’s defence, I wanna meet him too.” Blaine adds, I roll my eyes. Fuck my life. Ugh, this isn’t gonna be good. But at least if we do it now, they won’t cause a scene with Brittany. Owing to the kids all being asleep. Nobody wants to be that person that terrifies 27 unwell children in their sleep.

“Just hang on.”

I go back to Romeo’s room and peek through the door, just as I had suspected Dumb and dumber had woke Romeo up, but Brittany remained asleep.  Unsurprising, girl can sleep through anything. Makes me wonder how she managed with Romeo as a baby.

“Mami” Romeo croaks, his voice raspy from sleep

“Hola mijo, are you okay?”

“Si, I just heard loud voices. Wokeded me up”

“Aw, I’m sorry about the voices. They are special people that have come to see you.” I reply, I really don’t know how to word this. This whole mother thing is still slightly confusing to me. I’m glad he’s taken to me and the idea so easily but, it’s hard. I really have no idea how to be a mother. Let alone one to a four year old.

“Special people?! Are they unicorns like you!?”

“Kind of, well one of them defiantly is. The other’s more of a sloth to be honest.” I muse, Blaine’s gayer than a unicorn and Pucks just a lazy ass sloth. Let’s be for reals about this.

“Okay, Mami.” He smiles at me; I think it’s in an excited way. I smile back at him and move towards the door.

“I’ll just go get them for you mijo.”

Walking out the door I approach the two weasels and scowl

“Freaking morons woke up my son!”

“We’re sorry but, like, it’s not every day that you find out your sister has a kid ya know?” Puck says while rubbing the back of his neck. I have to stop myself from smiling. I always felt a sense of belonging whenever Puck or Blaine addressed me as their sister.

“I know, just don’t scare him! He’s sick and little and you are big and overwhelming even for an adult.” I say to Puck, then I round on Blaine “And don’t even get me started on you, your gay is overwhelming, you puke rainbows everywhere you go. Keep it to a minimum he should be sleeping!”

They just nod at me, pick up their bags and race to the door. It’s like watching two kids in a chocolate factory. It’s somewhat disturbing to me; I have never seen either of them this way towards anything. I didn’t even know they liked kids.

They open the door and burst through it, so much for calmly. I roll my eyes and walk forward. Noticing that they’d just stopped in the door way. I frown what the hell?

Oh wait. Oh shit. Oh fuck. Santana you fucking moron how could you do this!

**I forgot Brittany’s in there.**


	9. Semen, Cellphones and Lego

**Please Review!**

_They open the door and burst through it, so much for calmly. I roll my eyes and walk forward. Noticing that they’d just stopped in the door way. I frown what the hell?_

_Oh wait. Oh shit. Oh fuck. Santana you fucking moron how could you do this!_

**_I forgot Brittany’s in there._ **

**2020 New York**

“ARE YOU FUCKING SERIOUS?”

Life is completely irrelevant. It feels like an atomic bomb has just been dropped in the room. His eyes are blinded by rage. I can see his pupils turn black. He’s turning into the hulk. Blaine hardly ever gets angry, but when he does it’s like Bruce Banner. He’s like Doctor Jekyll and Mister Hyde. It’s actually really fucking scary.

“ARE YOU FUCKING SERIOUS?”

I sit there staring at him, what am I supposed to say to that? No, Blaine it was all a joke, HAHAHAHA You just got Punk’d bitch! Why is it not completely plausible that Brittany would want to break up with me? I’m the first to admit that it would be difficult to be in a relationship with a monster. Cos let’s be real for a second and a half. I’m a monster.

I’m disgusting and unlovable. I was delusional to think Brittany would keep up her charade for this long. I can think of a gazillion reasons for her not to love me and none for her to. I sigh. As I turn my attention back to Blaine.

He jumps up and begins pacing backwards and forwards having some sort of conversation with himself. My eyes follow him and I start to feel like I’m watching a game of tennis. I’m angry and I’m upset and I honestly just want to throw myself off a balcony right now. But I’m too distracted by this over dramatic show courtesy of Blaine.

He stops, pulls out his phone like it’s a weapon and dials a number and places it on speaker phone. It doesn’t even ring, it goes straight to answer phone, and just like the past few hundred times I’ve tried to call her.

“ _Hey, can’t come to the phone right now, but leave a message after the beep…. Oh, it’s Brittany, Bitch._ ”

“Brittany, please grace me with the opportunity to talk to you about several things, one of which would be the complete and utter mess you have caused. You are about to listen to me, so don’t go off and hang up because ‘Lord Tubbington tried to split an atom in the kitchen’. I hope you have your hearing finely tuned because if you don’t listen to me right now, whenever I see you again you shall be getting your ass handed to you. I hope you are aware of what you’ve done to Santana. I just walked into your apartment to find it destroyed.  This callous act on your part is beyond which of what I thought you were ever capable of. Either you show your face and fix this shit show you have decided to grace us with, or you stay the fuck away for good or I will beat you. Yes I just threatened violence but you are causing SHIT AGAIN… Oh, it’s Blaine in case you were wondering.”

And with that he hung up on her. He then stares at me with sympathetic eyes and I break down again.

**2020 Lima**

Sitting in the rental car I take a few breathes.  Mom’s voice echoes through my head like a constant ringing of a church bell in an empty town. I feel a cry try to escape but I stifle it. I can’t do this here. I know she’s watching me, judging me from a window. Slyly hidden behind a curtain. I know how my Mom works. She’s like Petunia Dursley, wanting to know everybody’s business. I know she’s just waiting for me to have a breakdown over this.

Now I know she’d get pleasure from it.

I pop the car into reverse and take off down the street to the nearest hotel. I was hoping to spend a night in my bedroom, being nostalgic, reliving memories of being with Santana when we were younger, instead I get to sleep in some hotel with God only knows what on the sheets. Despite the fact I am a well-travelled person the thought of sleeping in hotels grosses me out.

I watch too much T.V when I’m not on tour so I’m completely aware of the fact that the sheets could quite possibly not have been changed. I mean, gross, semen. Not Santana’s semen, some random strangers.

Ew.

Semen.

Shivering at the thought of all of the implications from strangers semen sheets, I pull into the car park of the hotel. I quickly arrange to stay a few nights; I get the key and sigh, number 13, such an unlucky number. Damnit.

Oh well.

I make my way to my room throwing everything on the floor, thankful Santana isn’t here to growl at me. I hate when she’s growly. No I lie, she’s kind of hot when she’s grumpy, and she does this small pouty thing that shows her dimples. I wonder if baby will have her dimples.

I collapse onto the possibly disgusting semen encrusted bed and lift my top  high enough to reveal my stomach; placing my hand atop I rub it slightly. I wonder what our baby will be like. So many pictures infiltrate my mind.

Tanned. Baby will definitely have a tan. Which is lucky, I’d hate for our peanut to be as white as me. Sun blocking just to go get a coffee from Starbucks kind of sucks.

San’s eyes are a must. I smile slightly; I just want our baby to look exactly like her. She’s going to be so happy. When we had a miscarriage when I was younger, she was devastated. I’ve never seen her that depressed before. She had been so excited about our baby. Though we were still in high school, I was super excited too.  Words cannot even begin to express how I feel for Santana. Back then everything was so complicated but now everything is how it should be.

I really love Santana.

Memories flood my mind, and then I picture the future and our children. I wonder if it is a boy or a girl. Either way I can see it being named after a character from a book. Santana has always talked about the naming potential from characters of books. Santana has always been a book nerd, though she will forever deny it. The name has to be something significant. So I can rule out several books and characters straight away. I can just see Santana’s face if I say I want to name our child “Renesmee”. I laugh out loud, imagine that reaction.

**Devil’s Spawn.**

That name lands upon my heart like an anvil from the sky. I don’t know why my mother thinks like this? Ever since I came out as being Sansexual, mom has been so supportive of me. She hasn’t thought twice about accepting everything about my life.

Until now.

I wonder how long this has been going on and if she has always been anti Santana or not?  I sigh; I need to hear Santana’s voice. She would know how to make this better. I pat my pockets down, where is my phone?

“Phone, oh phone where are you?” I sing out loud to no response. Pouting, I move to my bag and search through it. Not here. I move through the rest of my bags. I still can’t find it. I pout and stomp my foot.

“Where are you phone?!”

**New York 2024**

 

The boys stand there blocking the door way. I clear my throat to get them to move, but they just stand there like they are frozen in time. I have to remind myself that they are real and not statues because their impersonations are spot on.

“Move” I exasperatedly say. Neither of them budges and inch. I don’t understand why they are acting like this; they both knew there was a high probability that Brittany was going to be in the room. I mean, Romeo is her son. It would be odd for her to just kind of drop him off and disappear.

I can’t be bothered with this immature game of freeze. Seriously, you’d think a couple of 30 year old men would be more mature than this. In the end I  decide to shoulder charge between the two of them. Entering the room, I turn and glare at the both of them. Noah’s hand seeks the back of his neck and he rubs it, Blaine is looking everywhere but at the bed and me. I turn to face the bed, Brittany is awake, and she sits up arms around Romeo with her lips pursed.

So hot. Damnit, I shouldn’t be thinking like that.

Romeo is somewhat buried into her side, in an act of shyness. I move forward and ignore the awkward tension that fills the room. Sitting on the bed next to Romeo I smile brightly. I shall be the one that takes the high road.

“Romeo, I want you to meet your uncles Puck and Blaine.”

Romeo muffles a shy hello and wiggles into Brittany further. The boys just stare at him like he’s some sort of strange creature from a zoo. I know that feeling; people treated me like that when I first arrived in this country.

“Hey honeys” I snap my fingers at them, gaining their attention “He’s not an animal at the zoo to just stare at and be mystified over.”

Puck nods his head.  And takes a few steps forward so he is standing directly in front of the bed. He lifts his arms up and drops some of the bags he bought onto it.

“Hey Romeo, my name is Puck, I bought you some presents so you wouldn’t be bored in hospital. I’ve been in hospital heaps and I know it sucks.”

“Why were you in hospital?” Romeo asks curiously

“I used to get into accidents all the time when I was a kid and when I played football I got hurt a lot.”

“You played football?”

“I sure did dude” Romeo beams at this

“I wanna play football one day” He looks at me as if asking for permission. I nod my head and smile

“One day little man.”

Romeo smiles and claps excitedly. Puck awkwardly clears his throat and surprisingly addresses Brittany.

“Hey Pierce.” He mutters. Brittany bites her lip and nods slightly.

“Hey Puckerman”

I watch as Blaine slowly makes his way over and he places his bags on the bed, following Pucks lead. His face is unreadable which I’m concerned about. He’s drawing out this whole thing in the most painful way.

“Hello Mister Romeo, My name is Blaine. Here are some more presents that Uncle Puck bought for you. “He smiles slightly, but his face transforms again, to something I’m not one hundred percent sure off, but I’m sure it’s going to be a bitchy thing.

His face changes quickly as he looks at Brittany. Oh god, it has ‘Blaine Bitch Fit’ written all over it.

“I have to go now, I’m super busy, and I have a super busy job! It was lovely to meet you Romeo; I do hope we can spend some more time together without being restricted by hospital hours and my job. Santana, I shall call you some time. Puck make your own way home.”

And with that, he quickly turns on his heel and storms out of the room. “Blaine...” I start after him but he slams the door on the way out... Puck and Brittany both look at me sympathetically. Romeo on the other hand moves up his bed and starts to go through the things Puck gave him.

“He talks funny” Romeo giggles as he pulls out some Iron Man Lego.

“This is so cool! Thanks uncle Puck!”

“You are so welcome little dude!” Puck beams. And takes a seat on the uncomfortable, evil, plastic hospital chair.

“Holy butt sticks” Puck starts, I look at him strangely “How the banana’s do you sit in this thing?” I laugh out loud at how he managed to censor himself. Four for Puck, you go Puckerman.

“You get used to it” Brittany replies with an indifferent shrug.

An awkward silence fills the room as Romeo goes through all his new things. Puck really did buy an entire toy store. I watch as Romeo settles on playing with a Lego set and smile. Lego was my favourite when I was a kid too.

“So Brittany, think we should talk some time?” he just blurts out.  Kind of like a dam breaking.

“Puck, don’t do this...” I groan, I really just don’t want this right now.

“No, Puck’s right we should talk.” Brittany surprises me. I look at her shocked, she just shrugs at me.

“You guys seriously.” I start but Brittany cuts me off.

“Puck needs answers to move forward just as much as you did. It’s really okay San.” She then turns to Puck

“When do you wanna do this Noah?”

“As soon as possible?”

“Wanna go to Santana’s office? Romeo doesn’t need to hear this.” This sounds like some sort of business deal. There’s no emotion or anything behind this.

“What about Romeo?”

I sigh, I don’t know if I should let this happen. But it needs too. If anybody can make this easier it’s Puck. He can help change Blaine’s attitude.

“I’ll stay with him. You guys go sort out whatever you need to sort out.”

 

**Brittany’s P.O.V**

Puck and I make our way towards Santana’s office. I follow Puck because this hospital is super confusing and I get lost so easily. I feel like I need a GPS system to navigate my way around. Puck walks silently but with purpose. I can’t tell if he’s angry at me or not. This indifference from him makes me scared. Puck can be a lot like Santana. But at least he’s somewhat rational. Unlike Blaine. I’m not looking forward to Blaine at all.

We approach Santana’s office Puck opens the door for me, how chivalrous, I wasn’t aware Puck had it in him.

I sit down on the uncomfortable sofa and Puck takes the chair behind Santana’s desk. I look at him, eyebrow raised.

“What it’s the most comfortable chair in this office” I states simply

“Fair enough.”

“So….” He starts

“So….” I reply and tap my foot. This is going to be so awkward.


	10. Satan Spawn's Cute Limp Plastic Meya

_Puck and I make our way towards Santana’s office. I follow Puck because this hospital is super confusing and I get lost so easily. I feel like I need a GPS system to navigate my way around. Puck walks silently but with purpose. I can’t tell if he’s angry at me or not. This indifference from him makes me scared. Puck can be a lot like Santana. But at least he’s somewhat rational. Unlike Blaine. I’m not looking forward to Blaine at all._

_We approach Santana’s office Puck opens the door for me, how chivalrous, I wasn’t aware Puck had it in him._

_I sit down on the uncomfortable sofa and Puck takes the chair behind Santana’s desk. I look at him, eyebrow raised._

_“What it’s the most comfortable chair in this office” I states simply_

_“Fair enough.”_

_“So….” He starts_

_“So….” I reply and tap my foot. This is going to be so awkward._

This is awkward. Puck keeps staring at me is if he’s using the force to try and make my head explode. It’s a similar look to the one Quinn gave me at Puck’s party when I first met Santana. I don’t want my head to explode. I’m quite partial to it.

I really need to say something, perhaps if I say something before he does, it will make this easier? Where should I start? Brazil? Should I tell him the full story? How much would Santana want him to know? So many questions are going through my mind. I wish Lord Tubbington was here to help me. May he rest in peace.

He’s still staring at me as if he’s trying to kill me. Oh god my head actually feels tighter. He is using the force!

“Stop using the force I don’t want my head to explode!” I basically yell at Puck. His face crosses with confusion

“Britt, I’m not a Jedi” Puck simply replies but continues to stare at me again. Panic is rising and I know what is about to happen. My brains are going to splatter over this entire uncomfortable couch or I’m going to spill everything.

“I went to Brazil” I splutter. Puck looks at me as his eyes widen somewhat, a look of confusion etches across his face.

“I know, you were on tour with Usher.” He states simply and crosses his arms. I gulp; I’ve never had a serious conversation with Noah Puckerman before. I didn’t think he was capable of doing so.

“I found out I was pregnant with Romeo. And as soon as I found out I quit the tour and came back to the states. I went to see my Mom and sister before returning back to New York to be with Santana. To tell her the news. In hindsight I should have just come straight back to New York. But I had a stopover in Ohio and thought it was only fair that I go see Mom and Emily. I hadn’t seen them in forever.” I swallow what feels like a golf ball. Puck sits in Santana’s chair emotionless.

“Mom figured out I was pregnant. I didn’t want to tell her but she figured it out. She didn’t know about Santana’s problem so I had to tell her about Santana’s magic stick” I blow out a breath I didn’t know I was holding, Puck chuckles at the last bit of my sentence. I look up at him and his face returns to one of indifference. I wish he would get angry at me.

“Mom did not take too kindly to Santana being different, or me being pregnant with Santana’s baby. She freaked the hell out and went crazy.” I pause and take a breath, I haven’t really told Santana this at all, but I mean, Puck needs to know right?

“She called Romeo, Satan’s Spawn and other things. I needed to try and sort things out, so I stayed in a hotel back in Lima and went to try and figure things out. About a week after I received a letter from Santana. It was awful.”

Puck frowns at me and leans forward resting his arms on the desk

“You got a letter?”

I nod quickly and pull out the letter from my bag, walk over and hand it to him. Before reading it he contemplated something for a minute.

“Santana got a letter too.” I nod at him and sigh

“I know, we’ve talked about it. It wasn’t me who sent it to her. Despite the fact it says it’s from me. Just like I don’t believe she’s the one that sent me that one.”

Puck nods and looks down at the letter and hums to himself slightly before he reads the letter out loud

_“Brittany,_

_Whatever this is that we have deluding ourselves into having, is completely non-existent._

_I have gotten to an age where I find myself bored with your childlike nature. I don’t care about rainbows and unicorns and quite frankly, you need to grow up._

_I need to settle down with someone who has a decent career. Someone who is driven and isn’t flailing through life. You don’t compliment my personality, nor do you challenge me intellectually and I need someone who can do both of those things._

_To be fair, I don’t ever think I loved you. I think I convinced myself I loved you because I thought nobody could ever want me. I’m a freak._

_Don’t come back to New York. Don’t contact me. I don’t want you to. I’ll send your stuff to your parents’ house in Lima._

_Santana”_

He places the letter down and looks at me. As if he was searching for a hint of a lie or something. I’m not sure.

“This doesn’t even sound like anything Santana would ever say.” He whispers

“I know that now, but back then, with everything Mom was saying it just made sense.” He nods at me silently.

“What happened after that? After you got the letter? Why didn’t you come home?” Puck asks

I sigh, I really wish nobody had asked me this; I’m not a fan of just blurting stuff out like this. But he asked and I always tell the truth

“I got into a huge fight with my mom. Far worse than we’d ever been in before.”

 

**Lima 2020**

I sit at the kitchen table, letter in hand. I can’t form words. I don’t understand any of this. Why is Santana being so cruel? I frown as I stare at the words, as if Santana is going to jump out of the piece of paper and yell “PSYCH!”

My mom sits across from me in silence. Before reading this letter we had been sitting here in the exact same fashion. I’ve been coming here for the last week trying to get her to talk to me. Trying to understand why her attitude towards Santana has changed.

My Mom has always been so supportive; this is heart-breaking beyond anything I’ve ever had to manage.

I continue to stare at the letter in disbelief. Surely Santana wouldn’t do this? It doesn’t really seem like her style. If she didn’t want anything to do with me anymore why had we made plans to do things after tour? I’m so confused.

I hear footsteps behind me but don’t pay them any attention. I stare at the letter still, seeing if there was something in it to indicate that it was a joke. But it seems everything is as it seems. The letter is then snatched from my hand. I look up to see Emily staring at me with a strange smirk on her face.

“So the freak doesn’t want anything to do with you anymore?”

“Give it back Emily, you don’t know what you are talking about!” I growl. She smiles snarkily at me and mom gets up from the table and makes her way towards Emily, taking the piece of paper from her and reading the letter.

“Well, I can’t say I’m surprised by this. Freaks can’t love idiots.” Mom says bitterly

“Excuse me?” I ask dumbfounded

“What are you going to do with the satanic foetus you have decided to harbour inside of your body? Satan itself doesn’t want you anymore what on earth would make you think it would want its spawn”

These things, the name calling, the derogatory way in which she keeps speaking of my child and Santana begin to fuel a fire within me. I’m so angry.

“Brittany, realise something right now. I’m just going to be honest with you. You’re ex ‘Girlfriend’ isn’t a girl, it’s an it. A freak of nature that should have been killed at birth. Your ‘Child’ is just going to be as disgustingly freakish as ‘It’. Everything that has happened is a sin against God. God creates people not freaks of natures! Not only does this poor zygote that you so ‘Lovingly’ call your ‘baby’ have that freakish gene and DNA running through its probably non-existent veins, it also has your dumb as hell brains.” Emily spits. What the hell?

“Emily is right Brittany. I think you should just get rid of the child. Any child is going to find it hard enough growing up with you as the mother. Let alone having that thing you like to proclaim you love as its other parent. I’ll make an appointment to get it taken care of and then we can go to the church. Quinn Fabray is back in town, you two will get along swimmingly!”

“Are you fucking kidding me right now?!” I scream.

“No, Quinn Fabray is a lovely girl; I don’t understand what your big problem is with her.  The Fabray’s are a lovely family.”

“Have you always felt this way about Santana or is this because you found out she was different?”

“What does it matter Brittany? You seem to be under the spell of the devil!”

“YOU AREN’T EVEN RELIGIOUS!” I yell. I don’t think I’ve ever yelled like that before.

“That’s not the point here, if you continue you harvest that thing within you then you are no longer welcome in my home, you and that freak of nature thing you call a girlfriend are no longer welcome here” Mom spits venomously

“Not that she wants you anymore anyway.” Emily quips.

“You are not having anything to do with this baby. I am not getting rid of it because you all seem to be under some bizarre delusional belief that my baby is the spawn of Satan! Whether Santana wants me or not this child will be loved for what he or she is and that is precious. You say I’m not welcome here anymore? That’s fine you aren’t welcome in my life. Don’t even bother coming to find me if either one of you ever need me because I won’t be there to help you.” I spit back just as venomous

With that I get up and leave, Tears streaming down my face, I can’t believe this just happened. I need to go somewhere to think. I don’t know what I’m supposed to do. Climbing into the rental car I put my seatbelt on, back out of the driveway and drive, with no destination in mind.

**New York 2024  
 _Santana_**

I stare at my watch again and sigh. Puck and Brittany have been away for over an hour now. I hope Noah hasn’t killed Brittany. I can imagine him doing it. It’s getting late and Romeo should be asleep, but he’s still playing with the toys Puck got him. I watch him; he’s so methodical with what he’s doing. As he assembles the Lego, he looks at the pictures on the box to make sure he’s doing it properly. Already he’s managed to put together Iron Man, at the moment he’s working on Capitan America.

A crease forms between his eyebrows and he pokes his tongue out in concentration. He literally is the perfect blend of Brittany and I. he sighs and places the Lego down and looks at me.

“Mami?” he asks quietly

“Yes mijo?” I smile softly at him

“Am I going to die?”

I feel my eyes almost fall out of my head. What kind of question is that? Are kids even supposed to know about death at this age?

“What makes you think that?” I reply, I can’t honestly say yes or no to that question. I can’t foresee the future.

“Because when people go into hospital they can die right?”

“Yes, but not everybody dies when they go into hospital. People go into hospital because they are sick or something isn’t quite right that needs to be fixed. And doctors fix them.”

 “That’s really cool. I wanna be a doctor.”

“You can be anything you want.”

“What’s wrong with me? Why do I have to live at the hospital?”

“Well mijo, you have something called acute lymphoblastic leukaemia. It’s a type of cancer that affects your white blood cells. Do you know what your white blood cells are?”

“Are they white blood? Do people have white blood? I only thought people had red blood. I’ve never bled red blood.”

“No, no sweetie. **White blood cells** , are super awesome, they help protect people from getting really sick.”

“So I have no white blood?”

“No mijo, no white blood.”

“Does that mean the cute limp plastic meya doesn’t like my white blood cells?”

“No, it means your white blood cells weren’t working properly and the cancer decided to attack. Kind of like, when Spiderman sprays his web from his wrist. That’s what the cancer did; it attached itself to your white blood cells.”

“Am I gonna die Mami?” God it’s that awkward question again, where the fuck is Brittany and Puck? I can’t keep talking about this stuff without help.

“I have a special friend who is going to do absolutely everything possible to make sure you can play football and be the super best at it when you are older.”

“Is she magic?”

“Yes mijo, Doctor Holliday is magic.”

He smiles up at me and I pull a coin from behind his ear. I wink at him as I hear movement by the door way

“But not as magic as me”

**_Brittany_ **

Puck and I come upon a mutual understanding. I don’t think he fully trusts me anymore. But that’s okay I didn’t expect him to welcome me back with open arms. As we walk through the hospital back to Romeo’s room Puck is chatting to me about his time overseas and his recent tour. In a strange way I’m really proud of Noah, though we were never best friends. When we were at school everybody was convinced he was never going to amount to anything. He was the schools resident badass. The idiot who wouldn’t graduate, I was labelled that same label, idiot.  Yet we’ve become more successful career wise than anybody who has ever come from Lima. We both get recognized when we do everyday things like going to put petrol in our cars.

As we approach the door to Romeo’s room I can hear his voice softly asking Santana a question, Puck holds me back from entering the room and places a finger over his lips. Together we stand at the door and listen.

 _“Mami?”_ he asks quietly. I can tell there is something bugging him. I feel as though I should be in there helping Santana out. I move forward again to enter the door but Puck holds me back shaking his head.

 _“Yes mijo?”_ Santana’s voice replies. I smile at the term of endearment. I love that they have both taken to each other so quickly and readily. It’s nice to have a son who is so easily accepting of things.

 _“Am I going to die?”_ Puck looks at me awkwardly and I can feel the blood drain from my body. Oh God I should really help San, this isn’t fair. Before I can move though, Santana begins to answer him.

 _“What makes you think that?”_  I frown at her reply. Why didn’t she answer straight him with an answer? Puck grabs hold of my arm in an act to both prevent me from going into the room and to sooth me. I look at him and smile softly. Despite what people say about Noah Puckerman, he has a caring side.

 _“Because when people go into hospital they can die right?”_ Where has Romeo gotten this idea from? I frown at this. __

_“Yes, but not everybody dies when they go into hospital. People go into hospital because they are sick or something isn’t quite right that needs to be fixed. And doctors fix them.”_

_“That’s really cool. I wanna be a doctor.”_ He’s a Lopez; of course he’s going to be a doctor. I chuckle to myself __

 _“You can be anything you want.”_ I can hear Santana’s sincerity in saying this. I can see her doing everything she can to make sure Romeo does whatever he wants. __

 _“What’s wrong with me? Why do I have to live at the hospital?”_ There’s an awkward silence following this question. I can just see Santana’s mind going on overdrive trying to figure out what to say. I bet she’s got that little crinkle wrinkle between her eyes. I hold my breath in anticipation of her answer.

Pucks grip on my arm also tenses. __

 _“Well mijo, you have something called acute lymphoblastic leukaemia. It’s a type of cancer that affects your white blood cells. Do you know what your white blood cells are?”_ I don’t even fully understand what is happening with Romeo and by the look on Pucks face he doesn’t really understand either. So we are both eager to hear her answer. __

 _“Are they white blood? Do people have white blood? I only thought people had red blood. I’ve never bled red blood.”_ I have to hold back a laugh; I would have asked the same question.

_“No, no sweetie. White blood cells, are super awesome, they help protect people from getting really sick.”_

_“So I have no white blood?”_

_“No mijo, no white blood.”_

_“Does that mean the cute limp plastic meya doesn’t like my white blood cells?”_ I look up at Puck and he’s smiling at what Romeo just said. I’m pretty sure that Cute Limp Plastic Meya is officially the cutest cancer someone can get. __

_“No, it means your white blood cells weren’t working properly and the cancer decided to attack. Kind of like, when Spiderman sprays his web from his wrist. That’s what the cancer did; it attached itself to your white blood cells.”_

_“Am I gonna die Mami?”_ My heart swells again at Romeo’s use of the term Mami __

 _“I have a special friend who is going to do absolutely everything possible to make sure you can play football and be the super best at it when you are older.”_ I frown at this, special friend? __

_“Is she magic?”_

_“Yes mijo, Doctor Holliday is magic.”_

As soon as Santana says this, Puck lets go of my arm and signals for me to walk in, he follows behind me.

_“But not as magic as me”_

My heart feels like it’s literally going to explode with love at the sight of Santana and Romeo before me.


	11. Paper Aeroplane

_\--_

_“But not as magic as me”_

_\--_

**2024**

**Brittany**

Everybody is asleep, the excitement surrounding Puck’s visit last night has worn Romeo out and I don’t think Santana has had a decent night’s sleep in, forever. She looks so peaceful curled up around Romeo, her arms holding onto him as if someone is going to try and take him away from her.

It kind of reminds me of when we were younger and I’d sneak into her apartment and see her sleeping with her favourite stuffed animal. She’s not as tough as everybody would expect her to be.

The guilt that falls on me in this moment is unbearable. I can’t believe I was stupid enough to think that Santana never wanted me. I can’t believe I thought she would never want Romeo. Why would I think that she would be so vicious? I know that to everybody else she seems that way but to me she was always the complete opposite.

Sometimes I can’t help but curse myself about how much of an idiot I am. I am the idiot of all idiots. I’m the Queen of stupidity and all those who utter the words stupid to themselves are my loyal subjects.

I continue to watch the two of them. And can’t help but wonder about the baby I lost in 2012. It seems obscured but I loved that baby more than anything. And, every time I think about how I neglected to tell Santana about Romeo I think back to then. To that time when she was the most amazing person ever. I think back and place it in Romeo’s time, picturing her reaction.

**Lima  
2012**

As I walk down the halls of McKinley with Santana towards the choir room, I’m hit by a wave of nausea. It’s an experience I’ve been feeling a lot lately, and I don’t know why. At first I thought I had food poisoning. Then Lord Tubbington started acting strangely so I thought, maybe he’s been poisoning my food with actual poison. I confronted him about it but he assured me he would never do such a thing. Apparently he was too busy importing a shipment of cocaine from Colombia.

I feel Santana’s hand brush against mine, and then grab a hold of it quickly. I let out a content sigh. Everything is perfect. She looks at me and smiles softly. We enter the choir room and take a seat, everybody else is already here. Mr Schue is of course late.

It still surprises me that after everything I was able to convince Santana to join Glee. Not only did I convince her, but she convinced Blaine and Puck to join too. Quinn also joined, it turned out she was in love with Noah. I mean seriously. Who loves Noah? Well, Noah didn’t love Quinn back and a whole mess of drama ensued.

I remember Santana saying that she was going to invest in a popcorn maker so that she could just sit back and eat popcorn during the ‘Movie like drama that unfolds in every damn Glee rehearsal’

As per usual Mr Schuester is five minutes late. That guy is never on time, I wonder if time bandits stole his watch. He walks into the middle of the room and claps his hands together in a strange act of enthusiasm.

I don’t know if I like Mr Schuester, I mean, he’s pretty awesome teacher. He doesn’t really do anything. But I kind of find him a bit creepy. Like, he has a strange bond with Finn Hudson, Santana think’s that he’s got creepy paedophile vibes. He kind of freaks me out.

He then moves to the whiteboard and writes something “Tenacity” on it. I don’t even know what that means.

“The theme for this week issssssss tenacity!”

I can feel Santana getting agitated she clears her throat and stands up marching with a purpose across the room to stand beside Mr. Schuester.

“That’s, great Mr. Schue and I’mma let you finish, but I prepared a song for my Britts and I wants to get my song on.”

I can see Mr Schuester get uncomfortable and he bounces from leg to leg, fidgeting with his hands, like a small child who is being told off. He nods his head at her.

“Sure Santana, take the floor.”

“Mister Schue this is highly inappropriate! It is not fair to have someone use our time to serenade their love interest!” Rachel protests. Despite me forgiving Rachel for not sticking up for me a year ago, Santana has no interest in doing so.

“Shut it hobbit, don’t act like you don’t use every moment to serenade Finnocence.”

“Santana” Mr Schue warns.

“I’m just keeping it real.” She shrugs in response.

“Well, how about you do your song?” he says and sits down at the end of the front row.

Santana smiles broadly at me then nods her head at Puck, who I had not noticed get up and grab his guitar. He begins to pluck at the strings and a melody begins, Santana sits down on a stool she has pulled from somewhere.

“ _I spilled the ink across the page trying to spell your name_  
so I fold it up and I flick it out  
Paper aeroplane

She pulls out a paper plane from seemingly nowhere and begins to fiddle with it as she sings.

 _It won’t fly the seven seas to you_  
Cause it didn’t leave my room  
But it awaits the hands of someone else  
The garbage man

She crumples it up and looks at me, I can’t read her face. It’s a strange contemplative look I think.

_Got to say mmm mmm mmm  
Got to say mmm mmm mmm _

Puck joins in on the mmm bit and their harmony is radiates through the choir room. I take the chance to look around and notice that everyone is transfixed on Santana. I look back and the look on her face really is difficult to read.

 _So he opens it up and reads it out to all his friends_  
Amongst the crowd a heart will break and a heart will mend  
He walks on home tired from work  
The letter falls from his hand  
He reaches out only to catch the sky  
Its gone with the wind

_Got to say mmm mmm mmm  
Got to say mmm mmm mmm_

She pulls out another piece of paper, which has yet to be made into a plane and begins to fold it as she sings along with Puck. It’s mystifying to watch, generally people dance or they sit on a chair and sing. I’ve never witnessed someone perform and make a paper plane while doing it.

 _I spilled the ink across the land_  
Trying to spell your name  
Up and down there it goes  
Paper aeroplane

She holds the paper plane that she has now made and holds it between her fingers. Pulling her arm back she continues to sing.   
__  
It hasn’t flown the seven seas to you  
But it’s on its way

She pushes her arm forward and lets the plane go, flying it towards me.

 _It goes through the hands_  
then to someone else  
to find you girl

I catch it as it flies directly to me. And I smile Santana looks at me intently as she and Puck wrap the song up. My heart melts at this. She’s so ridiculously sweet.

_Got to say mmm_

The song comes to an end and the choir room is silent. Then Blaine stands up and bursts into applause, everyone else follows. I go to move up and nausea overtakes me. I need to go vomit oh holy crap. Santana approaches me smiling abut I can’t a hand goes over straight to my mouth and I run out of the choir room. Santana calling after me

“Brittany?!”

I could hear her running behind me, but I can’t stop, I have to make it to the bathroom, I cannot stop, otherwise I’m gonna make a mess in the hall. Bursting through the door I run to a stall and don’t even bother closing it. I make it just in time and it just pours out of me.

I hear the door bang open and Santana’s footsteps approaching the stall. She comes behind me and holds my hair back.

“Britt-Britt what’s going on?”

I can’t reply though because I’m vomiting like I breathe. It’s disgusting. As one hand holds my hair the other finds its way to my back and she rubs it softly. Whispering soothing things over and over.

At least, I think they are soothing words. I can’t hear over the vomiting and the blood rushing to my ears.  After a minute, I start to feel fine again and I stand up straight. Santana helps me out of the stall and over to the sink. She grabs some paper towels and wets them dabbing at my forehead.

“What’s wrong Brittany? You’ve not been looking good for a couple of days”

“I don’t know, I’ve been feeling like puking or puking for a week now.”

Santana’s hand stalls as she dabs my head, looking at me strangely. She lowers her hand and clears her throat.

When did you have your period last Brittany? This question confuses me. Wait, when did I have my period last. Hm…

“It must be like 2 months now mustn’t it?” she asks as panic starts to flash across her face. Why is she starting to panic?

I just shrug my shoulders; I don’t know how long it’s been. It’s really difficult for me to keep up with these things. I have so much going on at the moment, I should have realised it’s been almost two months though.

“Britt I think you are pregnant!” Santana looks at me with a shocked face. I can’t help myself but laugh. That’s the most hilarious thing to ever be said I’m not that…

Oh no…

\--

**New York 2024**

My heart aches at the memory. I imagine that look upon Santana’s face would have been the same one she gave me when she realised I was pregnant with Romeo.

I feel disgusting at the thought of what I’ve done. I’ve deprived a mother and son the chance to bond because of my own insecurities and heartbreak. Looking over these last four years I can’t help but be ridiculously angry with myself. Why would I do this?

I watch the two as they continue to sleep; Santana’s nose keeps scrunching up, like it has always done when she’s in the midst of a dream. I sigh and stand up to stretch.

Noah stirs slightly in the plastic hospital chair. He decided not to go and stay at Santana’s or Blaine’s but stay in the hospital with us for the night. I’m not complaining. There’s some sort of comfort in having Puck here, despite the fact we aren’t the best of friends at the moment.

I shuffle out of Romeo’s room, and make my way down the hall towards the café area. I think I should get everybody a coffee. Otherwise Santana is going to throw the world’s biggest bitch fit and Noah is going to complain like a little whiny baby.

As I make my way towards the caffeine area a blonde woman in a doctor’s coat approaches me. She looks familiar, but I am not really paying attention to her.

“Hey hot stuff.” She says as she stops in front of me.

“That’s really in appropriate” I scowl, then look up. Holy crap.

“HOLLY!” I squeal in delight. Holly is my favourite person in this hospital besides Santana. She taught Santana everything she knows. I haven’t seen her since, well, since I left. It’s amazing to see her. I move forward and hug her. She wraps her arms around me smiling.

“Hey hot mama, how are you?”

“I’m good how are you?”

“I’ve been better, have you heard? I’ve been put on Romeo’s case?”

“I did hear that. I’m glad it’s you. I mean if it can’t be Santana, then I’d rather it be you.”

“Thanks Britt, I’m flattered. But in all honesty this is going to kill me; you know you two are my girls. I need to go now, but I have something serious to talk to you all about when I do rounds regarding his case.”

I nod my head solemnly at her. This is going to suck so badly.

“I will catch you soon sweet cheeks!”

“Bye Holly” I mutter as she walks away.  So many thoughts consume my mind and instead of going to get coffee I walk back towards Romeo’s room. Entering it quietly I see Santana is awake. She looks up and groggily say’s hello. I smile back as she slides herself out from under Romeo. Romeo stirs slightly but continues to sleep.

“I’ve got bad cramp” she whispers hoarsely getting up and stretches. Making cute groaning noises as she does so. When she’s done she reaches up and fixes her hair, then makes her way over to me. Sitting on the hard plastic seat next to me.

“Good sleep?” I ask her

“Yeah, best I’ve had in a while.” She smiles back at me softly. We sit in comfortable silence for a while admiring Romeo. Noah eventually wakes and goes to get coffee for all of us.  After a while the door to Romeo’s room opens again and Holly steps in, without a smile on her face, which is always a strange thing to see. But then I realise what that means and my heart drops.

“Santana, Brittany.” She then gives us the world’s longest pause.


End file.
